


Don’t let him know, but it’s written in the stars

by chimmyartik



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Beomgyu is in love with his best friends boyfriend, M/M, Mentioned ATEEZ Ensemble, Possibly Unrequited Love, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:02:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 35,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23635024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chimmyartik/pseuds/chimmyartik
Summary: On their 20th birthday, the first words heard from a person’s soulmate gets tattooed on their body. It could be anywhere, imprinted in small, delicate writing. It didn’t matter if that person had already met their soulmate or not. It was very possible for someone to have already met them and realise down the line that they were indeed their soulmate, if the person remembers their first words.To most people, soulmate tattoos would signify the best time of their lives. The time when they can finally look out for their destined partner. To Choi Beomgyu, it could threaten the very happiness of the friends he holds dear to heart. So when the words ‘I like you too’ form on his skin, he’s determined to never let his soulmate find out. A secret he’s more than willing to be burdened with for the sake of his best friend.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu & Choi Yeonjun, Choi Beomgyu & Huening Kai, Choi Beomgyu & Kang Taehyun, Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 101
Kudos: 272





	1. Confession of a Friend

“DUN DA DA DUUUUUUUN!”

The tall, lanky boy shocked more than a few passerbys with his overly dramatic entrance rounding the corner of the street. Beomgyu shot an apologetic glance at them, wondering how the hell did he end up with such a loud crackhead for a best friend. Said best friend continued on, completely oblivious. 

“How’s it look?!” The older shook his hair out, equally as dramatic a gesture as his arrival, letting the electric blue strands catch the rays of the sun. Nonetheless, Beomgyu had to admit. Blue suits Yeonjun very well.  Insanely  well.

“Not bad.”

Yeonjun’s red lips formed a pout. “Is that all you can say?”

Beomgyu grinned at him, walking forward to sling an arm around his hyung. “The fact that I’m not insulting it is compliment enough.”

“You’re real mean, you know that?” The both of them headed towards Moa Cafe, their deemed favourite coffee place ever since high school hit and caffeine became an essential part of student life. 

“And you, my beloved hyung, are adorable.” Yeonjun swatted the hand that was coming to bop his nose but didn’t shake off the younger’s arm around his shoulder, snickering.

Yeonjun had been Beomgyu’s best friend since elementary school, when Yeonjun had been assigned to mentor Beomgyu as part of his training in dance. The two of them had just clicked like tteobeokki and ramyeon and had been inseparable ever since. At least until they hit college. At first, Beomgyu couldn’t understand why Yeonjun had next to no free time once he attended college, but that thought soon diminished when he himself extended his studies a year ago. However, even though the two enrolled to different institutes and worked through tough schedules, they still made a point to never break off from one another and to meet up whenever they could. 

This year, they got lucky. Their schedules didn’t clash as much and the two boys found it much easier to spend time with each other, leading to them being able to meet up at least once a week. Today, on a beautiful February evening, a blue-haired boy and his equally chaotic friend entered Moa Cafe, poking fun at each other and making a fuss.

Moa Cafe was small and quaint, situated in the corner of the street right at the end. It gets pretty hectic on weekends but pleasantly quiet otherwise. The interior was lit with warm, mellow light and decorated with quirky little decorations the workers themselves contribute. Since the addition of Kai, Beomgyu had noticed the steady increase of soft plushies littered around the cafe. It’s endearing, really. The smell of cinnamon and (obviously) coffee always greeted Beomgyu, never failing to calm him and brighten his mood.

“YA, NINGNING!” Beomgyu called out towards the young barista, wild mop of hair hiding his face as he bent over the cashier. Huening Kai had recently finished his last year of high school and had taken up a job offer at the cafe in the gap between then and college. Beomgyu sighed, knowing that this period of time was the freest HE’D ever felt. 

Kai straightened up, breaking into a smile as he recognised his two regulars. “HEY, Gyu-hyung, Junnie-hyung!” 

Yeonjun brandished his arms outward with a haughty look. “Come. Serve us.” 

Kai made a face. “You know very well that’s not how things work here. Get your lazy asses over here and tell me what you’d like.”

“Wah, is that how you treat your elders?” Yeonjun made his way over to him anyway, breaking into a laugh.

Beomgyu followed suit with a chuckle. “I’ll just have the usual. Same for you, hyung?”

“Nah, I’m feeling adventurous. Hmm... surprise me, Hyuka. Give me your latest, craziest drink.”

“What’s with the sudden request?” Beomgyu asked, surprised. Yeonjun was always one to go big when something was about to happen. First, the hair, and even with something small as in a requesting a surprise drink, Beomgyu knew something was up.

“I’ve decided to do it. It might be the biggest mistake ever but I’m willing to take the risk.” Yeonjun giggled, hopping on the balls of his feet as if he wasn’t a full-grown 22 year old man. 

Kai leaned forward at that, his interest piqued. “Wait wait, what’s this? I wanna know toooo.” He shot a questioning look to Beomgyu who just shrugged, equally confused. This was news to him.

“Mmm, sure. But you gotta keep it a secret. When’s your break?”

Kai checked the time on the cash register and grinned. “I’m done in just another 15 minutes. I’ll join y’all outside.”

The two older boys nodded in agreement and walked out to the porch area of the cafe. Beomgyu had barely sat down for 2 seconds when Yeonjun burst out.

“Ok, remember the super cute boy I told you I had a crush on?” 

“Yeah, of course. You haven’t stopped pining over him ever since he started the year with you. Hold on, aren’t we waiting for Hyuka?”

“Yeah yeah, we can always tell him again when he comes. Now that I’ve started talking about it, I need to get it out. OKAY well....”

Even with the urge to ‘get it out’, Yeonjun still paused for dramatic effect. Beomgyu sighed. “Well??? Spit it out, hyung.”

“WELL, I’ve decided to just get it together and ask him out. I know he hasn’t met his soulmate yet. At least, I think he hasn’t. Even so, there’s a possibility that he might not accept me in case he’s waiting for that person. But I don’t think that’s the case, I still want to try.” Amidst the excitement, Beomgyu could see the hint of reluctance in Yeonjun’s sparking, dark eyes. “I mean, if I don’t take risks like this, I’ll never get a boyfriend anyway.”

On their 20th birthday, the first words heard from a person’s soulmate gets tattooed on their body. It could be anywhere, imprinted in small, delicate writing. It didn’t matter if that person had already met their soulmate or not. It was very possible for someone to have already met them and realise down the line that they were indeed their soulmate, if the person remembers their first words. 

Even so, there was a small fraction of humanity that didn’t have those first words surfaced on their skin. 

Yeonjun was one of them. 

Some people believe that this meant that there was simply no one out there for them. But Yeonjun thought different. The optimist that he is, he believes that there are so many other options out there. A belief Beomgyu strongly supports. There are some that believe what was biologically decided isn’t indefinitely the right choice and thoroughly reject the idea of soulmates. And there were those that simply go with the flow, not caring if whoever they ended up with turned out to be their soulmate or not. As long as they loved each other, everything would be fine.

Currently, the both of them were doting on Yeonjun’s crush to fall under the category of the latter. Even if he didn’t, Beomgyu thought, he would be pretty dumb to reject someone like Choi Yeonjun. 

Yeonjun was talented, strong, bright, funny(well, sometimes), dependable and incredibly attractive. He was also one of the kindest people Beomgyu knew. Yes, he would be pretty dumb to not want to date Beomgyu’s best friend.

“Do you know what his soulmate’s first words are?” Beomgyu asked tentatively.

“Nah, he never tells anyone. It’s better that I don’t know anyway. Maybe he doesn’t care about all this soulmate business.”

“Or maybe he’s like you.”

Yeonjun’s lips curved up into a small smile. “Maybe.” He took in a deep breath, his eyes flashing with nervousness.

Beomgyu shot him a reassuring smile and reached forward to take his hand in his own. “Whatever happens, I’m proud of you, hyung. Go get your man. Plus, you went ahead and dyed your hair and everything to look ravishing for him. If he can’t see that, then he a dumb dumb.”

Yeonjun’s smile widened into a grin. “So you admit my hair looks good.”

“Do you really need my validation to know that?” The younger scoffed. “So, when are you going to.. you know,” Beomgyu nudged Yeonjun’s shoulder, grinning mischievously.

“Ah,” Yeonjun’s cheeks glowed pink. “I guess now that I think of it... tomorrow.”

“Damn, hyung. You move fast.”

“I’M HERE!” Kai rushed out the cafe door toward his hyungs, curly locks bouncing all over the place. He plopped himself into a chair, clasping his fingers together and resting his head on them. “Spill.”

Yeonjun opened his mouth but Beomgyu beat him to it. “Hyung’s going to confess to his crush tomorrow.”

“Seriously?! Who?!?”

Yeonjun tilted his head. “Would you know him?”

Kai gave him a deadpanned stare. “You do know you two aren’t the only college boys that come into this shop, right? I’m more connected than you think.” Kai then proceeded to wink at the two, instantaneously causing them to simultaneously gag. “I’m so lovable and popular, you guys are lucky to be my friend.”

“You can stop talking now.” Yeonjun quickly shushed him up. “You know Choi Soobin?”

Kai’s eyes lit up in recognition and he gleefully clapped. “Know him? Binnie-hyung is my bestest friend. You got pretty good taste.”

Yeonjun widened his eyes. “Really?! I didn’t know you guys knew each other, let alone are close friends.”

Kai shrugged. “We’re neighbours, practically grew up together. So Soobin-hyung is the one you’ve been griping about for 2 months now.”

Yeonjun set his mouth into a grim line. “You won’t tell him anything, right?”

The maknae nodded vigorously, making a gesture with his fingers to zip his mouth and cross his heart. Beomgyu shared a suspicious glance with Yeonjun. Kai brought up his hand to form the Vulcan sign for extra measure. “I swear I won’t say anything. You can trust me.”

Yeonjun glanced down with that, fingers picking at the sleeve of his sweater. “Ningning, would he... ummm, like me back?”

Kai’s gaze softened as he smiled at his uncertain hyung. “I can’t say anything for sure. But what I CAN say is that he’d be pretty silly not to. I’m rooting for you.”

“Same here.” Beomgyu piped up, watching as Yeonjun physically shook off his nerves with a shake of his hands.

“Ok, enough mushy talk about me. I know SOMEONE’s 20th birthday is coming up.” Yeonjun side-eyed Beomgyu.

Kai clapped again. “Ya, what are you going to do to celebrate it?” 

Beomgyu shrugged. “It’s still a whole two weeks away guys. It’s a bit early to plan, don’t you think?” 

Birthdays had never meant much to Beomgyu but he could see why his friends were getting extra excited for this particular one. Not only was it the day he becomes a major; it was also the day he would finally know what his soulmate would say when he meets them. It was as nerve-racking as it is exciting for Beomgyu. For one, where the tattoo would even show up was scary to think about. What if it formed on his forehead for the whole world to see? Of course, tattoos usually form on the wrist, chest or neck, where the heart’s pulse beats the strongest. Still, it was a possibility. His aunt had her tattoo right on the bridge of her nose. And hers were ‘you like peanut butter with ketchup too?’.

“Only two weeks? You say it as if it won’t pass by in the blink of an eye.” Yeonjun had a point. Time flies by when you’re finishing up assignments and staying up late to cram down more knowledge. Being a college student had its... perks. Still, Beomgyu didn’t want to think about his birthday. Not yet, at least.

“I guess I’ll throw a small get-together or something. By the way, Ningning, where the heck are our drinks?”

Kai visibly blanched as he scrambled up. “Oh shoot, I totally forgot to bring them. I-I’ll be right back, SORRY.” 

Yeonjun groaned. “What sort of barista are you?”

“Technically, you’re supposed to be collecting them yourself. This is what you call friendship privileges, be fricking GRATEFUL hyung!” 

*****

Three hours passed before the three of them walked out of Moa Cafe. Yeonjun had long ago finished his pumpkin spice matcha latte, which turned out to be pretty good despite the weird combination of ingredients. Kai too had finished his grape smoothie, leaving Beomgyu still clasping his cup of caramel macchiato. Yeonjun had grimaced at the almost empty cup. 

“How can you leave it out to dilute like that? You lose all the taste before you could even taste it.”

Beomgyu stuck out his tongue at him. Although the older did have a point, (the drink was warm and barely had any flavour in it at that point) but he didn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that. “I’m ENJOYING this. I’m not like you, scarfing everything down in one go. And last I checked, this was MY drink that I paid for so piss off.”

Yeonjun scrunched up his face, mimicking what Beomgyu had said except in an annoyingly high pitched manner that sounded nothing like Beomgyu, causing the latter to lunge at him. Yeonjun shrieked as he darted behind Kai, grabbing his shoulders to shield him entirely. 

Beomgyu cursed even as he smiled. Since when did their maknae get so tall? He seemed to tower over him(the hair must’ve added to the height), an advantage for Yeonjun and, frustratingly, not so much for Beomgyu.

Kai screamed as Yeonjun jerked him to the side, successfully avoiding Beomgyu’s second attack. 

“Well kiddies, I’ll be going now. I had fun. See you next time, BYE!” And with the that, Yeonjun dashed off towards the next street, swerving around pedestrians until only the blue of his newly-dyed hair could be seen amongst the throng. 

“YA, IDIOT!!” Beomgyu screamed after him only to be replied with a “text you later”.

“He really is something.” Kai said with a wince as he rubbed the shoulders Yeonjun had so forcefully controlled. 

“Oh, he’s so gonna get it next time.” Beomgyu grinned at Kai. “How’re you going back? If you’re taking the bus, we can walk together.”

Kai responded with a vigorous nod and the two set off towards the bus station as the sky darkened. They fell into a pleasant silence for a while, enjoying the cool crisp air on their faces that signalled the end of the day until the younger broke the silence.

“Do you think we should follow them tomorrow?”

Beomgyu turned to him, confused. “Follow?”

“Yeah, see what’ll go down. Yeonjun-hyung did tell us the exact time and place. I know the university well enough to know where the courtyard is, and I’m pretty sure you do too.” Kai smirked mischievously. “What do you think?”

“Hmm I don’t know. Wouldn’t that be eavesdropping?”

“Duhh. They’re our best friends though. Don’t act like such an angel, as if you haven’t already made up your mind to stalk those lover birds, hyung.” Kai scoffed.

Beomgyu grinned. He had, in fact, thought Kai’s suggestion was a great idea the moment it left his lips. 

“Ok, meet you behind that weird Mind-Flayer looking tree. You know what I’m talking about?”

Kai’s eyes lit up in recognition. “Oh yeah, there’s a bunch of bushes there we can hide behind. Meet up half an hour before 4?”

Beomgyu frowned. “I don’t want to be squatting for half an hour.”

“We go any later and we’ll be busted.”

“Fine, 3.30 it is.”

*****

Ningning: WHERE TF R U?!

Me: NOOOOOOOO WAITFJJER THE TRAINS BEEN DELAYED I CANT DO ANYTHING

Ningning: I TOLD u to use the bus oh my god

Me: whats done is done  ㅠㅠ pls tell me they’re not there yet

Ningning: not yet

Ningning: ok theyre here. COME QUICKER

Me: IM NOT FUCKING FLASH

Beomgyu turned off his phone as he finally hopped off the train, muttering words of apology as he tried to dodge other subway-users on his way to Yeonjun’s university. It was only a 5 minute’s walk from the station so Beomgyu calculated that he probably could make it there within 2 minutes. He texted Kai just that before he began his manic dash. 

He passed under the campus gates, noticing the lack of students around the compound. It was a weekend after exam season after all, most of them would be out spending time with family and friends. Beomgyu hurried past the few that still milled about and ducked into the vast courtyard, immediately pressing himself to the high wall and crouching down.

He noticed Yeonjun and another boy he assumed to be Soobin at the end of it next to a fountain before someone grabbed his arm and pulled him into some foliage, a hand brought up against his mouth to muffle the reflexive yelp. They were tucked neatly behind the trunk of the misshapen tree, in a well-hidden dip into the wall of the courtyard. Fortunately, the two didn’t notice his arrival. Beomgyu pushed Kai’s hand away and turned to meet the younger’s eyes, which were glittering with suspense. From the mood of the situation, Beomgyu guessed Yeonjun had just let the cat out of the bag.

He turned back to the two and finally saw the Choi Soobin he had only otherwise seen in pictures Yeonjun had shown him. He was facing towards the bushes the two of them hid behind with Yeonjun’s back towards them, giving them a clear visual of his figure.

He was truly dashing.

Soft, brown hair that rustled lightly in the wind framed a gentle face that was currently glowing bright pink. His facial features were set in a state of obvious shock, pretty eyes and mouth alike wide open in surprise. He was incredibly tall, even more so than Kai. He only wore faded jeans and a soft pink hoodie, but that would’ve been enough for Beomgyu to give him a second, no MULTIPLE glances. Yeonjun really did have good taste. 

Beomgyu watched through the leaves with bated breath as Soobin somewhat regained his composure. His pink lips curled up into a dimpled smile, brushing his hair back as he spoke the next words. His deep voice rang out softly but clear in the empty courtyard.

“I like you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve got a lot of ideas where this could lead to, but I’ll be more than happy to hear y’all’s feedback uwu  
> My first time writing a soulmate au//txt-centric fic ESKETIT  
> Follow me on twt ♡ : @chimmyartik


	2. Feelings are Overrated

“Would you guys mind if my roommate joined us for a bit? We’re heading somewhere together afterwards but he’s already out.”

“Nah, of course Gyu. The more the merrier.” Yeonjun winked from across the round table as Soobin nodded in approval. 

Beomgyu stifled his sigh of relief. Truthfully, Taehyun didn’t come out too early. In fact, they weren’t supposed to meet up until an hour from now but Beomgyu needed  someone  to spare him from this third-wheel syndrome. Kai still hadn’t finished up his shift and even though he only stood a few metres away in the interim of Moa Cafe, Beomgyu couldn’t take it anymore. 

The two, primarily Yeonjun, would not stop flirting with each other, passing compliments and fleeting touches every so often. Beomgyu knew it was just what the start of a new relationship looked like. A week later and they would already begin to settle down somewhat. Yet, Beomgyu couldn’t help feeling a sting at seeing his best friend direct all his attention on this new, really really handsome, person. It’s not that Beomgyu disliked Soobin. No, Soobin was actually amazing. Effortlessly funny and friendly, Beomgyu could see himself becoming very good friends with the boy. Maybe, in a different universe, even more than that. Nonetheless, what Beomgyu did NOT sign up for is the third-wheeling. 

He thought back to 3 days ago. The way he had grabbed Kai and they both just shook each other out of happiness at their best friends getting cuffed until Kai lost balance and tumbled through the bushes, startling the living daylight out of the two boys. The looks on both their faces as it changed from shock to recognition to anger was so identical, it was comical. Even as Beomgyu and Kai bent to apologise, they couldn’t stop giggling.

After a long, half-hearted lecture, they settled it with getting the younger two to buy them all dinner as punishment for invading their privacy. That night, the 4 quickly bonded, skirmish from earlier hastily forgotten. They had just clicked, as if Beomgyu had known them for years longer than the reality.

“Hey.” A familiar voice jolted Beomgyu out of his reverie. 

“Yo, Taehyunnie!” Beomgyu welcomed the newcomer clad in a black bomber jacket, hair tousled from the wind. 

“Ah, you’re the Taehyun I hear so much about.” Yeonjun called out as Taehyun ran a hand through his hair to tame it.

“And you must be the Yeonjun.” Taehyun’s sharp teeth shone as he grinned. “Nice to finally meet you.”

Yeonjun scoffed. “It’s about time. This is Soobin, my..” Yeonjun suddenly faltered, clearly unsure of what term to use even though it’s been a good 3 days since.

“Boyfriend.” Beomgyu filled in quickly, managing to salvage the situation before it turned awkward. Yeonjun shot him a grateful glance. 

Beomgyu offered Taehyun a seat as Soobin and him exchanged pleasantries. Beomgyu could already see his roommate fitting in just nicely, and he couldn’t help but feel a bit of pride and more than an ounce of happiness. That happiness only increased as the final member of their small squad made his entrance. 

“IM HERE!” Kai was merely a blur of brown curls as he grabbed a chair and sat between Soobin and Taehyun. Suddenly, Kai let out a small shriek. “TAEHYUN!” 

“HUENINGIE!”

The two youngest high-fived before Kai dead-panned at his three hyungs shocked faces. “Again, I know more people than you think. Probably more people than you _know_. Perks of constantly working in a cafe in the middle of town. Ain’t that right, Binnie-hyung?”

Without warning, the maknae lunged at Soobin and rubbed his tummy, causing the latter to shriek and startle the other customers. Soobin’s cheeks turned a dark shade of pink in embarrassment as he lightly hit Kai with his huge hand, shouting protests as the rest of them just broke into laughter.

The next two weeks passed by just like that. Exam season was over and they all had a pretty hefty break before the next semester started. The five of them met up, most of the time at Moa Cafe (Kai had once jokingly said “imagine how tired I must be, spending so much time in this damn cafe.”) but they had also visited the local park together, had picnics and even went camping.

Beomgyu thought this must be the most productive time of his life. Even when he wanted to stay in all day and play video games, Taehyun would drag his ass anyway, saying how they would never have this much free time in a long, long while. Beomgyu turned out to begrateful for that as every single outing together just brought them that much closer to each other. Beomgyu thought if there were such a thing as a soulsquad.. soulgang, soulband? Yeah, then it would be the five of them.

However, Beomgyu still felt that constant sting every time he looked Soobin’s way, even with Taehyun and Kai by his side. He didn’t know exactly what he felt to bring it on. He hated that feeling, yet it arose every time he saw Yeonjun’s hands clasped in Soobin’s palm. Every time Soobin leaned into Yeonjun with the familiarity of a lover. Every time Yeonjun openly flirted in his obnoxiously obvious way.

One week into it, Beomgyu found himself stealing glances at Soobin way too much. Maybe it was because Soobin was a relatively new, (relatively good-looking) face to him. Still, he found himself acknowledging the smallest things Soobin does; how his nose scrunches up adorably, how he always talked with his hands, how the dimples on his cheeks formed with the slightest hint of a smile. Even the way his laugh sounded would fill Beomgyu’s stomach with small butterflies.

And that was not okay.

Honestly, what was he thinking, mulling over his very own best friend’s boyfriend? It made Beomgyu sick to his stomach, so he tried to push these thoughts away. Especially during the camping trip, when they had played hide and seek under the cover of darkness. Beomgyu was the seeker, but when he found Soobin trying to hide his humongous body behind the thin trunk of tree, and found even that _endearing_ ? Beomgyu prayed to all the gods he knew for what he could only think of as feelings to go away. He hoped it was just a short phase he would get over. 

But out of everything, what he hated most was the fact that he actually thought Soobin _returned_ those glances. He was delusional, that’s what. 

Even so, these occurrences were a mild disturbance that he wouldn’t allow disrupt this fun time with his friends. A secret Beomgyu surely could keep until he felt nothing but the appropriate friendship.No one would ever have to know, especially Yeonjun.

One night, he flicked through channels on the TV while waiting for Taehyun to finish cooking their ramyeon. Just as he settled on something interesting, Taehyun spoke up. 

“Your big day is coming up, hyung. Why not we make it grand?”

“Big... day..?” Beomgyu’s distracted mind rambled back.

“Your 20th birthday, dumbass.” Taehyun came back with two bowls of spicy ramyeon with melted cheese and placed one in front of the older. Beomgyu took two seconds for his brain cells to fully understand that statement. And it hit him. In five days, he’ll be 20.

In five days, he’ll know the first words he’d hear from his soulmate.

Suddenly, he couldn’t wait. Maybe the words that lay somewhere just under the surface of his skin, waiting to emerge, will clear all these muddy thoughts he had about Soobin. Maybe seeing those words etch itself into his skin will reassure him that there was already someone out there for him, destined to love him as fate intends.

These feelings for his bestfriend’s boyfriend? They’ll be nothing more than distant memories. Possibly something that could be casually brought up way down the line, to laugh about over coffee. 

“ Hey Soobin-hyung, I’m pretty sure I had a small crush on you when I first met you. How crazy is that? Hahaha”

Beomgyu smiled to himself. Everything would be as it should soon enough. 

“Ummmm.. Gyu-hyung?” Taehyun’s tentative voice brought Beomgyu out of his reverie.

“Oh yeah, sorry. Was just thinking about it and.. nah, not grand. I just want to be with the five of you.” Beomgyu sat up and murmured thanks to his roommate before reaching for his enticing bowl of noodles.

Taehyun cocked an eyebrow. “Are you sure? You’ll only turn 20 once. We could invite all your buddies on campus, it could be the hugest ever.”

“Exactly why I don’t want it to be big. I want to spend it with the people that matter the most. You, Hyuka, Junnie and Soobin-hyung. That’d be perfect.”

Later, when Beomgyu had relayed the message to the rest of the gang, Yeonjun had flicked away mock tears with an exaggerated expression. “Awww, Gyu bear. I could just kiss you now.”

Beomgyu pulled a face of disgust at him. “Please save all those for the person who actually wants it.” Beomgyu hoped the small tinge of bitterness he felt didn’t leak into his words. 

He supposed it didn’t as Soobin laughed, bringing those godawful butterflies back. “Who said I wanted his kisses? The day he stops using that mouth to talk shit will be the day I accept kisses.”

Yeonjun clasped his heart in pretend hurt as everyone burst into laughter. Beomgyu’s grin widened, but not because of the scene in front of him. In a few days, this sting would no longer leaden his smiles. He’d be the best friend Yeonjun deserved, that didn’t think these sickening thoughts. 

Everything would be just fine.

*****

The most annoying thing about turning 20 is the fact that one’s soulmate tattoo doesn’t emerge exactly as the second hand strikes 12. It could form anywhere within those 24 hours, so Beomgyu had to suffer through the anxiety of simply _waiting_. Then again, there was always the possibility that it might never show up, a possibility Beomgyu refused to acknowledge. At least for now.

However, what _did_ emerge exactly as the second hand stroke 12 was a certain, bright-eyed Kang Taehyun with a box clutched in his hands. He stormed into his room, jolting Beomgyu out of the chair he was sitting in a bit too fast, causing the older to hit his shin against the corner of his desk. 

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HYUNG!!” He shoved the box into Beomgyu’s hands before he could reach down to massage his aching leg. Beomgyu recognised the box from his favourite cheese tart shop. If he ignored the throbbing, he would admit, it was a pretty nice surprise.

But Taehyun wasn’t done yet. He reached into the back of his pocket and pulled out a mini confetti launcher, shooting it just over Beomgyu’s head. Beomgyu shrieked for the second time that night before he realised the glittering multi-coloured strips of plastic raining down on him weren’t going to hurt him.

“How was that? Was I the first one to wish you?” Taehyun grinned, slightly breathless. 

Technically, he was the fifth. The first being his mom and the other three being basically everyone else in their group chat. But one look at Taehyun’s unwavering smile and Beomgyu knew not to hurt the younger’s feelings in any way.

“Yes, even though my leg might be broken. Good job, Hyunnie.” Beomgyu smiled as his roommate ran forward to squish him into a hug. He felt his heart swell with happiness, knowing he really couldn’t have had a better roommate. 

That happiness was short lived though, as Taehyun broke apart and whipped out his phone to snap a picture of bed-head, confetti-covered Beomgyu(sure to send to the group chat). “I’m going to go get a spoon for the tart!”

Beomgyu grabbed the back of Taehyun’s shirt just as he was rushing off. “Not so fast, help me clean the mess you made. And you can’t say no, birthday boy’s word is law.” 

Taehyun gave him a sheepish grin. “Ahh, you’re merciless.” The younger came forward to pick the confetti out of Beomgyu’s black strands and off the floor. 

Taehyun had gotten them one tart each but they ended up sharing just one and plopping the other in the fridge. Beomgyu was still full from dinner anyway. He savoured the warm taste though, and the two of them settled into a pleasant silence.

“So, anything yet?” Taehyun spoke up. 

Beomgyu expected him to ask that, what with him checking around his body for any sign of the tattoo basically every 5 minutes. He just shook his head dejectedly. 

“Don’t mind me asking hyung, but do you actually want one?” 

Two weeks ago, Beomgyu would’ve said that he honestly didn’t care much. But now, he was basically hanging onto those potential words. The only way, it seemed, to get rid of these feelings for that boy. 

“Well, things sort of hit different on the actual D-day.” Beomgyu said instead. Taehyun seemed to dislike the idea of soulmates. Although he’d never openly admitted it, there’s been times where Beomgyu had noticed the tone of distaste in his words whenever he talked about things related to soulmates. But of course it was to be expected of the intelligent boy; fate would not be the one to control his life. “You can’t help feeling curious, you know.”

Beomgyu went to sleep two hours after that, or at least tried to. Soobin seemed to haunt him in both his waking thoughts as well as his dreams. Visions of the taller, older boy holding his hand and guiding him through forests. Of him leaning against Beomgyu as they gazed at twinkling stars. The both of them playing between the waves of the ocean as the sun set. 

It must’ve been the constant worry and anxiety of waiting mixed in with the exhaustion (and hormonal stress of becoming a major?) that caused these half-awake delusions. Beomgyu found himself waking up every half an hour, furiously searching all over his body for even just a hint of that godforsaken tattoo. But to no avail. 

Beomgyu finally gave up catching a decent night’s rest when the sun rose completely off the horizon. He trudged to the bathroom, looked in the mirror and sighed at the sleep-deprived figure that stared back at him. Dark circles ringed under his puffy eyes and his hair was even more disarray than usual from his constant tossing and turning. Taehyun was going to have a field day making fun of him. 

Fortunately, Taehyun had classes early and left already. But not without leaving a complete, still warm plate of breakfast for Beomgyu. Beomgyu smiled to himself, his roomie really was the best.

The day went by perfectly, or at least as perfect as it can be with Beomgyu dozing off every 5 minutes in his classes with two things on his mind; the tattoo and Choi Soobin. What he did not expect was Wooyoung and Yeosang as well as the rest of his dance course mates cornering him off during lunch with a chocolate cake and a bunch of pizza boxes in their hands, belting ‘happy birthday’ at the top of their lungs. 

Beomgyu’s cheeks burned red more with happiness than embarrassment. For a moment, he forgot all about his inner turmoil. After eating way too much, his next classes seemed like even more of a bore, but at least his spirits were high. Yet, there was still no tattoo.

It was well past 5 by the time Beomgyu made his way back to his dorm. He was just reaching for the door handle when he heard a thump inside followed by multiple voices. He froze, hackles raised and alarm bells ringing in his head before he recognised the indistinguishable high-pitched dolphin scream.

“HOLD IT CAREFULLY, it almost tipped over!”

“Shut up, he could be here at any moment.”

“Quick, get into position. And Ningning, PLEASE hold it carefully.”

“Should we turn off the lights?”

“No idiot, I’m supposed to be home already, it’s too suspicious if he sees the lights are off.”

Beomgyu chuckled under his breath. They sure were keeping a low profile. Nonetheless, he set his face into the most neutral, unsuspecting emotion he could muster and stepped inside.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY GYU!!” The whole dorm practically shook with the volume of all their shouts combined. With Kai in the middle clutching a pretty, strawberry cake, the 4 boys each had a party hat strung over their head. The dorm was a messy splash of balloons of different colour and poorly hanged streamers that looked like they were put up in the last second, which they probably were.

“Oh my god! Wow, you got me.” Beomgyu put his hand over his heart, feigning surprise.

Yeonjun’s face fell as he glared at the other three. “HE KNOWS, y’all were way too loud.”

“Excuse me, your voice was the loudest here, what with you shouting at Ningning to stop shouting. No offence, Ningning.” Soobin scoffed back at him. Beomgyu’s heart tugged at the sight of him as it always did and Beomgyu stole a glance at his wrist just in case something formed on his skin in the few seconds since he entered his dorm. 

Alas, there was nothing so Beomgyu schooled his expression into one of amusement and laughed. “I think any person in this entire building would have to be deaf to not hear you guys with the racket you’re making. But thank you, I’ll commend your effort.”

Yeonjun broke into a grin as he clapped Beomgyu on the back. “Well, Gyu bear. Congrats on finally becoming an adult. Maybe you can finally start acting like one.”

If Beomgyu looked back on this day, he would describe it as more of a blur. The exhaustion from lack of sleep mixed in with the alcohol might’ve been a cause for that, but there were a few images he could recall very, very clearly. Some of those images he would’ve rather forget. 

At first, everything was fine. He blew out the candles to the surprisingly delicious cake and made his wish. As the small flickers of flame blew out, he hoped that the five of them would remain this way for a long, long time. Tight-knit and together till their deathbeds. As the night wore on, Beomgyu consumed a pretty hefty amount of alcohol, even more so than the rest of them. 

Every time the urge to either thoroughly examine his body for the tattoo or to look at Soobin arose(which was frequent), he would take a swig of beer. Now, it was a quarter past ten and Beomgyu was draped lazily around Kai with the others sat around them on the carpet in the living room. 

He felt unusually high and light-headed and laughed at the smallest thing anyone said, even at Yeonjun’s poorly timed dad jokes.

“Let’s play 2 truths, 1 lie.” It was Soobin who suggested it. 

“Sure thing, but before that I need to get a drink that _isn’t_ mind-numbing.” Yeonjun got up, his empty cup in hand.

“Ah, hyung help me!!” Taehyun cried out followed by a “me too!” from Kai and Beomgyu.

“Ugh, fine. Soobin, darling, please do assist me.”

Soobin groaned but got up anyway. “Only if you never call me that again.” The both of them trudged off to the kitchen which wasn’t far but there was a wall partition blocking Beomgyu from the sight of them. That familiar sting thronged up all the same even in Beomgyu’s tipsy condition. He tightened his grip on Kai to distract himself from any further thoughts, eliciting a yelp from the younger.

“Ah, Gyu-hyung. I love you but can you not cling to me so tight?”

“Oh, sorry.” Beomgyu let go, throwing his hands down to rest on his crossed legs. Kai shot him a concerned glance. Beomgyu almost always had a witty comeback to any comment, so to see him back off so easily was enough to trigger off alarm bells. 

“Are you okay?” Taehyun piped up. Beomgyu inwardly kicked himself for being so easy to read.

“Of course, I just think I had too much to drink.” He waved his hand off in an aloof manner. “What’s taking those two so long? I’ll go check on them, see if they broke the water dispenser, heh.” 

Beomgyu got to his feet before the maknaes could say anything and stalked to the kitchen. The dormitory was built in such a way that the kitchen was thoroughly hidden from the rest of the place. Beomgyu had to duck down a hallway before entering it. He was just about to turn into it when he heard hushed voices.

“You’re happy, right?” Yeonjun’s voice was laced with uncertainty, enough to send a pang through Beomgyu’s heart. Beomgyu knew he shouldn’t eavesdrop like this, yet he couldn’t bring himself to back away. Curiosity and that awful sting gnawed at him. 

“Yes, of course. Everything would feel right soon enough. It’s just a phase.” If Soobin’s voice could get even gentler, it did. “Hey, don’t worry. We’ll get through it.” 

There was no more talking after that. It was quiet, too quiet. Beomgyu took the risk and peeked in.

And what he saw sawed at his heart harder than it should’ve.

Yeonjun had Soobin’s face clasped in his gentle hands, the younger leaning in to complete his kiss. Soobin brought his arms up to embrace Yeonjun and pull him even closer. Both of their eyes were closed, too caught up in the moment to notice their uninvited audience. 

Beomgyu pushed himself away from the scene, trying to escape as quickly as he could to his room without making any noise. He didn’t know why his heart hurt the way it did. He should be happy, if not maybe embarrassed and grossed out from seeing his friends making out. But instead he felt this awful sinking feeling as if his very heart was descending into the pits of stomach, leaving a gaping, hollow hole. The sting he felt made its purpose clear to him then.

Jealousy. 

It was jealousy he felt whenever he saw those two together. _He_ wanted to be the one Soobin entangled his hands with. _He_ wanted to be the one Soobin leaned into whenever he lost his balance from laughing too hard. _He_ wanted to be the one leaning against the counter as Soobin pressed his lips against his own. 

He hated it. He hated himself for feeling it. 

He heard someone call out his name as he dashed past the living room but he ignored it, locking himself into his room. He hadn’t noticed it, but tears were gathering behind his eyelids, turning his vision bleary. 

“Fuck.” Beomgyu shut his eyes tight and managed to hold them back, sliding down against the wall till he hit the floor. He opened his eyes and that’s when he saw it.

His shirt had risen up due to the friction with the wall, exposing his midriff. And right there on his hipbone were the words. Dark, inky lines curved over each other to form unmistakable letters. Letters which formed the words that confirmed the suspicions Beomgyu had tried so desperately to push to the back of his mind. 

_** ‘I like you too.’ ** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh sorry for the long wait. I had a massive writers block and actually changed a lot of the scenes around. I hope it’s alright :( 
> 
> —> follow me on twitter uwu: @chimmyartik ♡


	3. Time Apart

It hit him like a train. He should’ve known it from the start. From the very moment he’d laid eyes on Soobin, he had been falling. Fast.

And now, it was undeniable that the feelings he harbours for the boy is no fleeting phase. It was his destiny to love Choi Soobin. Heck, it was literally wired into his _biology_ to love the boy he met a mere few weeks ago. The same boy who’d he’d just witnessed passionately kissing his best friend. A boy who can’t possibly love him back. 

It’s all messed up. Could it be a mistake? No, how much of a coincidence would it be? It was glaringly obvious to anyone, even a stranger, that the words imprinted on his hip were the words of a soulmate he would never have. The absolute irony of it was enough to make Beomgyu laugh out loud, albeit laced with bitterness. The universe was truly fucked up for this. He could almost imagined a deity up there, laughing cruelly at the fate it bestowed upon him. 

A knock on the door reminded Beomgyu that he’d just run out of his own birthday party. 

“Hyung? Are you okay?” Taehyun’s muffled voice filtered through the door, laced with concern. 

Beomgyu took a slow, deep breath, trying to calm the erratic beating of his heart upon his newfound discovery. 

“Y-yes.” Too soft, there’s no way he’d have heard that. Beomgyu cleared his throat and tried again. “Yeah, I just got a call from eomma. Give me a second.”

Beomgyu could almost feel the relief in Taehyun’s voice as he responded with acknowledgment. It took a minute for Beomgyu to get himself together again. Another minute to shakily rise to his feet, lightly slapping his cheeks to clear his head. 

So what if Soobin was his soulmate? It was obvious Soobin didn’t know who his soulmate was, Beomgyu couldn’t exactly remember his first words to him but they were somewhere along the lines of ‘hey, nice to meet you.’ With a generic sentence like that, it was practically impossible unless Beomgyu told him. 

There were many people who didn’t end up with their fated partner. Sure, it wasn’t the norm but they still existed. It was just a matter of time before he eventually lost feelings. Was it even possible to lose feelings towards your very own soulmate? Beomgyu just had to believe that it was because.. what else was he supposed to do? Beomgyu took another breath as he prepared to go back out into the living room and face the others. No one would have to know, especially not Yeonjun. He smoothed his shirt down, ensuring that there was no way it could ride up and expose this secret of his before stepping out.

“Gyu!! Quick take a seat, we’re starting the game!” Yeonjun grinned like a cheshire cat as he patted the empty spot between him and Taehyun. Beomgyu plastered a smile on his face and came over, deliberately avoiding eye contact with Soobin. He accepted the cup of fresh water gratefully, relishing the cool water as it moistened his dry throat and somehow tamed the oncoming headache he was feeling. 

“Alright, who wants to start?” The way Soobin could say that with so much glee while Beomgyu was practically in despair aggravated him. It wasn’t rational but the alcohol running through his body was already affecting Beomgyu’s temperament. Beomgyu quickly downed more water in hopes that he can steady his rolling emotions in this tipsy state.

“How about we play Rock Paper Scissors? Loser goes first.” Kai suggested. In the end, he ended up losing. 

“Mmm okay okay. I like to clean. I’m really smart. Aaand I’m the handsomest person in this group.”

Everyone burst into protest. “HUENINGIE THIS IS 2 TRUTHS 1 LIE, NOT 3 LIES OH MY GOD!” Yeonjun yelled.

“Oh but I really do like to clean.” Kai shot back only for Soobin to laugh. 

“Are you kidding me? Have you seen your room? Not a single inch is bare. You literally have towers and towers of plushies!” 

“A-well.. ugh, Binnie-hyung. You didn’t have to expose me like that.” Kai pulled a long face as he nudged at the older, only causing Soobin to laugh even harder. 

Beomgyu could feel his blush creeping up and furiously tore his gaze away from the scene. Hopefully, the others would just think he drank too much. 

As the game bore on, Beomgyu spaced out. By stroke of sheer luck, he somehow never lost a game and managed to avoid actively taking part. At one point, Yeonjun had leaned into to him to ask him if everything was alright. Beomgyu fought to push back the anger he felt from that question. He was far from alright but of course it was in no way Yeonjun’s fault, instead replying that he was just tired. 

Yeonjun nodded in understanding, continuing with the game but keeping one hand on Beomgyu’s thigh for reassurance. All it did to Beomgyu was remind him of what an awful friend he was. Guilt gnawed at him, taking his mind off the rest of the game until it was Soobin’s time to play. 

The boy comically placed a hand on his chin, looking to the ceiling in an expression of thought. Beomgyu hated how his heart tugged.

“I have a dog. I hate spicy food.” He grinned mischievously before announcing his next words. “And I really like boys with blue hair.” Soobin wasn’t one to flaunt such blatant affection in public. A weird mixture of coos and grossed out noises erupted around the room while Yeonjun spluttered, clearly taken aback. Everyone was laughing. Everyone was having a great time.

Everyone except Beomgyu. He was finding it hard enough to control the frustration and jealousy that wrecked his heart the minute those words escaped Soobin’s mouth. It was obvious that the lie was the food. Soobin loved food. He was angry, more at himself really. But Beomgyu was a person that generally did not hide feelings very well, and in this condition where the chemical reactions in his brain were dulled, he found it hard to keep this facade neutral.

Before the reasonable part of his brain could tell him to shut up, Beomgyu opened his mouth. “My turn.” Yeonjun, who was still flustered over Soobin’s sudden confession, grinned at him. “Let’s hear it birthday boy!”

“I’m drunk. I don’t know my soulmate tattoo. And I have a crush on someone.”

Beomgyu already regretted it as an awkward silence settled around the five of them. The subject of soulmates was a personal, intimate topic and it was obvious no one was expecting such a statement to surface. 

It was Soobin who broke the silence, his soft voice ever so gentle. “The lie is that you have a crush?”

For the first time after the tattoo formed, Beomgyu locked eyes with Soobin. In them, Beomgyu saw support and reassurance. Yet there was a flash of something else, so quickly gone that Beomgyu thought he might’ve imagined it. 

“Y-yes. Thats it.” Beomgyu’s voice wavered in the tense air. A lie. The first of many.

“Gyu, you don’t have the tattoo?” Yeonjun looked at Beomgyu with such love and understanding, the younger felt the prick of oncoming tears. It was cruel to lie to Yeonjun of all people. Yeonjun who knew the feeling of never having a chance to know his soulmate. Yeonjun who was more than ready to comfort his best friend despite everything. But Beomgyu knew telling the truth would’ve been much crueler, so he nodded. 

“Oh Gyu bear, it’s ok.” Yeonjun didn’t hesitate to wrap the younger in a comforting embrace, bringing forth the onslaught of tears he’d been trying so hard to hold back. He felt Taehyun rub his back and Kai clasping his hand. The guilt was almost unbearable. 

Beomgyu shook them off and rubbed at his eyes, wiping the tear trails away. He forced the biggest smile he could muster and looked at everyone head on. “Of course, I know that. Now enough of the soppiness, I need to get this dust out of my eyes.” 

He watched as their worry melted into relief, soft smiles beaming back at him. “Yeah right, you sure have a lot of dust in here. Maybe you can get Hyuka to clean the place for you.” Taehyun joked, further relaxing the mood and eliciting unintelligible yelps of protest from the maknae. 

The night ended soon after with everyone pitching in to help clean up. Yeonjun and Soobin retired back to their campus dorm together while Beomgyu insisted Kai stay the night due to how late it already was. Taehyun offered to let him sleep in his bed since it was big enough for two to which Kai happily agreed.

That night Beomgyu lay in bed alone and finally allowed the tears to fall freely. He let himself fall apart, pouring his guilt-ridden heart out on his sleeve. With his sniffles muffled by the sheets, pillow soaking up his tears, Beomgyu cried himself to sleep knowing he’d wake up with a clean slate. He’d be strong enough to do whatever was necessary to snuff these feelings out for good. 

*****

The ache that pounded through his head the next morning added to his moodiness. He didn’t even bother trying to fix up his drained out mess that was his face. He trudged into the small kitchen, his voice hoarse from sleep(plus hours of crying) and grunted a greeting to Taehyun and Kai who were already up making breakfast. His eyes felt heavy, there was no doubt that they were puffy and red-rimmed.

“Morning, hyung. You look like shit.” Kai called back. He brought over a plate of toast and grilled spam with lettuce and placed it in front of Beomgyu as he sat at the table. His eyes trailed around the small area and narrowed at the sight of that damn counter. 

“How else would you expect me to look like?” Beomgyu snapped back, only realising how harsh he was being when Kai stared back at with him with wide eyes. 

“Woah there. You’ll feel better once you eat something.” Taehyun passed him a cup of his favourite plum juice. A shot of guilt immediately went through Beomgyu. It’s not everyday he could get a nice meal like this for breakfast and the maknaes had gotten up extra early to make sure of it. 

“I’m sorry, guys. It’s just this headache... but no, that’s not an excuse. Really, thank you. I appreciate it.” Beomgyu rubbed the back of his neck, feeling even worse although they forgave him. 

The breakfast really did help though. It was the weekend and neither of them had classes. Beomgyu resorted to napping like a dolphin at random intervals throughout the day to stave off the effects of the hangover, waking up only to game. 

*****

“Gyu-hyung, the boys want to meet up at the usual place for tea.” Taehyun said the word ‘tea’ in an exaggerated, accented manner because they all knew a proper word like that didn’t really resemble the actual mucking around that they do. “Make sure you’re ready by 4.30.”

“Umm, sorry Hyunnie. I’ll pass.” 

Taehyun stared at Beomgyu with eyes wide with surprise. In all his laziness, Beomgyu had never actually downright rejected a hangout. But the thought of having to sit at that table, pretending like everything was fine while his friends stayed oblivious for a good few hours straight made Beomgyu sick. He would be able to do it one day, but not now. It was too soon. 

“I just don’t feel so well. And I have a ton of work to do. With the deadline coming up and everything, I don’t think I can afford to waste any time.” The lies slipped easily off his tongue with barely a hitch. Beomgyu didn’t know whether to feel relieved or horrified as he realised that.

“It’s not going to be long, three hours max. I’m sure you’ll be able to make it home in time to do it. You don’t seem to be in a rush anyway.” Taehyun wasn’t buying it. Of course he wouldn’t. This was so out of character.

“It’s still time I wouldn’t get back. I’m sorry but I’m going to have to sit this one out, maybe next time.”

“Come on, you’ve always managed to get your assignments done on time. Why is this one any different?”

“We can go hang out any time we want. This assignment is literally DEADLINED. You of all people should know how important this is.”

“That’s exactly it. We can’t hang out any time we want because, like I’ve said so many times, this is probably the last month that we can try. It’s only going to get busier from here on out and-“

“Can you drop it already?! When I say I don’t want to go, it means I don’t. Simple as that.” 

Beomgyu hadn’t meant to let his frustration blow off his friend like that. But it had. And in a way, it worked.

Taehyun’s mouth opened and closed like a goldfish as if he wanted to say more but he decided against it. He schooled his stunned features into a passive one, narrowing his eyes at Beomgyu. “Fine, next time it is.”

Taehyun retreated to his room without another word. Beomgyu did so too he didn’t have to confront the younger again when he left. He let out a heavy sigh as he threw himself onto his bed, wondering how he was going to make up for that.

Taehyun was an ace student, never missing deadlines and always top of the class. He took extra electives too so if anyone had time restraints, it was him. It was understandable-the way Taehyun kept pushing because Beomgyu saying he had to pass because of school work is actually outlandish- but he should at least understand that no means no. 

With his face still smushed into the pillows, Beomgyu reached out for his laptop. He dragged the device to him and set it up, logging into his game. 

**connection** : _offline_

Deflated, he actually did start working on his assignments. At least it wasn’t a complete lie. Still, as he heard the front door slam shut, he wondered if he tore a rift into their small, tight knit group. He glared at his hipbone where the small letters lay almost mocking him. No, he can handle it.

He just needs time. 

*****

Beomgyu had prepared a whole heartfelt apology for Taehyun, but the younger beat him to it. 

“I’m sorry, hyung. It’s not right to fight over such a small thing like this. I don’t even know why I got so worked up in the first place. Honestly I’m kind of embarrassed, overreacting like it’s the end of the world.” Taehyun rubbed the back of his neck, looking sheepish.

“N-no, I’m sorry too. I mean, yeah I’m kind of busy. It’s just.. it’s okay.” Beomgyu reached forward to hug his roommate, heart weighed with guilt. He had a right to overreact. 

The others were completely fine, only messaging him to cheer him on the newly found “responsibility” turning 20 had instilled within him. Fortunately, a situationlike this didn’t reoccur. Everyone just got busy again-like Taehyun said- and while there was the occasional phone calls from Yeonjun, things weren’t as they were the past two weeks.

Beomgyu pretended to gripe about it. Pretended. Because this was exactly what he needed. Time apart to forget these feelings and get over that gorgeous, dimple boy for good. As weeks passed, it seemed to work. He no longer felt the flutters of tummy butterflies when he heard his name or have his laugh ringing in his head. The image of Yeonjun and Soobin together in the kitchen that had burned into the back of eyes was finally fading away.

A month passed before Kai practically jumped him on the way home from college. 

“HYUUUNG, let’s go to Lotte World!”

“WHAT TH- oh god Hyuka, I think half my soul left my body.. wait, what? You mean right now?”

Kai let out a giggle and slung his arm around the (annoyingly) shorter boy. “No no, I mean this weekend. Soobin and Yeonjun-hyung already agreed to it. Now it’s just you and Taehyun but I’m sure Hyunnie can make it because I planned the thing just right for his schedule and-“

“How do you know what his schedule is like?”

“Don’t ask unnecessary things and let me finish. I know the minor test period is soon so now’ll be a great time to relax and just have fun you know. So, you in?”

Beomgyu glanced at the bulge of his hands tucked into the pocket of his hoodie. On one hand, was it too soon to say he was fine with being around HIM? On the other, if he did decline, the others are going to have questions for him. He had already promised Taehyun that next time, he’ll make it. 

“Hyung, you can come right?”

Shit, Kai was giving him those adorable puppy eyes. The maknae’s natural cuteness was a weapon Kai had no reluctance about using for his advantage. Beomgyu gulped before he a pulled a small smile and nodded.

Kai hopped, whooping loudly and garnering more than a few shocked stares, but he didn’t seem to mind. Beomgyu couldn’t help but to smile alongside him although he was already filled with dread about the thought of coming into close vicinity with Soobin.

It’s been a month, surely the feelings he felt for him had dimmed at least. Everything would be fine if Beomgyu just kept his head clear. This weekend, he would have fun. He would enjoy himself with the people he loved the most like he should, and no one would have to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long to write. I’m having trouble trying to incorporate the beginnings of the ideas I have oof. not really happy with this chapter but enjoy~~ the next one will be fun ♡
> 
> my twt: @chimmyartik


	4. Rollercoaster

“BEOMGYUUUUUUUUUUU! TAEHYUN-AAAHHHH!! IF MY AIR-CONDITIONER BREAKS DOWN JUST BECAUSE YALL ARE TAKING TOO LONG, YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO PAY MY MAINTAINENCE!”

Yeonjun’s shrill voice pierced through the stifling air. Had it been any earlier, someone would’ve probably called security to get him off the dorm grounds. Beomgyu could only thank the gods that at least his horn had long ago stopped functioning.

“I can see why you two are friends.” Taehyun grumbled, holding the door open as Beomgyu scrambled to put his shoes on. 

“Excuse me? What’s that supposed to mean?” Beomgyu jostled through the narrow corridor with his roommate, blinking against the late morning sunshine as he stepped out into the open. 

“Loud? Obnoxious? Inconsiderate of the other people that happen to exist around you? Seems like you share a lot in common.” Taehyun grinned, dodging Beomgyu’s punch. 

“News flash, you just so happen to be friends with the BOTH of us. What does that say about you?” 

Beomgyu plopped himself into the passenger seat with difficulty as Taehyun piled into the back seat. Yeonjun drove an old, beat up black Hyundai that makes suspicious sputtering noises every few minutes. Some of the windows couldn’t even roll down the entire way and the car doors were hard to pull. Through the few years since Yeonjun got his driving license, nothing majorly dangerous had happened with it. Still, Beomgyu’s primal instinct always told him not to step foot in the ancient thing. 

“You got the money to dye your hair but not to repair your car?” He winced as they drove over a particularly steep bump. 

“What’s wrong with my car?” 

Beomgyu chose not to answer, focusing instead on Taehyun’s big eyes stretched even wider than they usually were in fear, reflected on the rear view mirror. It was his first time in Yeonjun’s ‘baby’ and Beomgyu had to hold back a laugh from how priceless his reaction was. 

Beomgyu cranked up the radio as the rest of the car ride stretched into pleasant(or at least as pleasant it can be among the squeaks and bumps) silence. He couldn’t help but feel relief that Soobin wasn’t sharing the ride with them. Kai had last minute classes to attend so Soobin had told the rest of them to head there first. They would probably arrive maybe half an hour after them. 

Then again, he’d have to face him eventually. The longer he thought about it, the more agitated he got. Stifling a sigh, Beomgyu closed his eyes, attempting to push this entire ordeal to the back of his mind. He could almost feel the weight of those small words on his hip, constantly reminding him. Beomgyu had tucked his shirt down his pants to make sure it was practically inaccessible (later, Yeonjun made fun of him asking if he’d decided to bring 80s fashion back).

*****

“Let’s go for that one first.” Yeonjun pointed towards this huge, skyscraper-like structure with enough loop-de-loops to give even Beomgyu a second thought. 

Taehyun blanched and whipped around to face Yeonjun. “Hyung, you just ate a whole sandwich 5 minutes ago.” Yeonjun, being Yeonjun, got hungry the moment he saw a food truck even though he had already eaten breakfast earlier. While Yeonjun ordered a huge sub, the other two had settled with carbonated drinks.

“And?”

“I’m with him on this one. Don’t get me wrong, you know I love rollercoasters but vomit everywhere kind of ruins the whole experience for me.” Beomgyu didn’t announce the fact that the vomit mentioned might be his from all the nerves that bundled up from the waiting. Nothing warranted this overthinking, but his anxiety grew nonetheless. 

Yeonjun laughed and clapped the both of them on the back. “My dear friends, my stomach is stronger than you think. Don’t forget, I’m THE Choi Yeonjun.”

“Being Choi Yeonjun doesn’t exempt you from the laws of physics. What’s not completely down is bound to come up again.” Taehyun scoffed. 

“I can’t believe you guys are talking about physics at a whole ass theme park.” A familiar voice came up from behind them, jolting Beomgyu around. His heart practically leapt up into his mouth at the sight of Kai.

“N-ningning, hey. Uhh, where’s Soobin-hyung?” Beomgyu internally face-palmed. Real smooth.

“He went to park the car.” Kai tilted his head, brown curls flopping down his face. “Gyu-hyung, you look pale. Don’t tell me you’re scared, too.”

“Scared? Please, this little kiddo is my designated ride partner.” Yeonjun brought his hand up to ruffle Beomgyu’s hair much to his annoyance.

“YAH, you’re not that much older than me you know.” Beomgyu smacked his hand away, but Yeonjun continued unfazed. “We’re going to ride THAT one first.” 

Now it was Kai’s turn to morph into a ghostly shade of grey. “Y-you’re not talking about that blue free-fall straight-drop-to-death thing right? The carousel? You’re talking about the carousel... right?”

“Rule number one when going to theme parks, always go for the biggest ones first.They’re usually at the end so not many people are there yet. Which means NO queue. How great is that? We can always do the smaller ones later.” 

As Kai burst into a thousand and one excuses as to why they shouldn’t board the safety hazard of a ride, Beomgyu noticed the familiar head of brown hair walking steadily towards them. Now his heart really did wring itself into a tight knot, but at least he had time to compose himself before the cause of his demise reached them. Soobin lit up into a huge smile, waving towards them as he weaved between the crowds of people. 

Well, shit. 

Soobin was just as gorgeous as Beomgyu remembered, maybe even more so with his stupid dimples and goddamn eyes that seemed to glitter with wonder in the sunshine. It took a while for Beomgyu to wave back, hoping whatever expression on his face was natural and not constipated with stifled effort. Only when Soobin reached them did Beomgyu realise that nothing had changed. The feelings he’d worked so hard to get rid of only resurfaced with even more intensity, like a volcano becoming active after centuries of remaining dormant. His heart felt like it wanted to jump right out of his chest and into Soobin’s hands. Maybe it did. Taehyun would call this dopamine, small but certain happiness that registered in his brain just because of Soobin being right there. How was it possible that Beomgyu felt so much for a person he’d known not longer than anyone else? He’dhad his fair share of crushes in school, but none as intense as this. 

Once again, Beomgyu found himself cursing the universe.

“HYUNG, don’t you want to try the carousel first?” Kai grabbed at Soobin’s arms, making those signature puppy eyes. It just so turned out that Soobin was immune to it. 

“Jun-hyung is right. If we decide to wait till later, the line might be way too long. We can do the carousel anytime, there’s never a line for it anyway.” Kai’s face fell and so did Taehyun’s, although he did manage to hide it better than the maknae. 

The walk towards the rollercoaster didn’t take long. The entire theme park would probably take about 20 minutes to walk through but Yeonjun knew the shortcuts to get straight to the end. Still, Beomgyu noticed something. 

Soobin and Yeonjun weren’t talking to each other as much as he thought they would. Heck, they weren’t even walking together. Yeonjun was busy teasing Taehyun for trying to act so tough even though they all knew he wasn’t much better than Kai while Soobin trailed a little way behind, not entirely invested in the conversations around. 

It was odd, the absence of all the mushy, clingyness between the two. Maybe it was normal and they’ve finally toned it down on the whole ‘WE’RE A COUPLE’ thing. The all-too-familiar feeling of satisfaction mixed with guilt for feeling said satisfaction went through Beomgyu as he moved closer to Kai, slinging an arm around him.

The younger boy jerked at the sudden contact, clearly his mind somewhere else. Beomgyu lowered his voice so the others wouldn’t hear. “You don’t have to go on the ride if you don’t want to you know. No one’s going to force you.”

Kai looked at him, his eyes shining with gratitude. “Thanks, hyung. But.. I don’t want to back out now. I mean, might as well since I’m here right? I wouldn’t ever ride something like this unless it’s with you guys anyway.” 

Beomgyu grinned proudly at him, ruffling his hair affectionately. Kai swatted his hand away as he giggled. “Plus, those two hyungs would never let me hear the end of it.”

Before he knew it, they had reached the ride. As Yeonjun had said, there was barely a line. So the five boys dashed through the looping red fences, their laughter ringing in the air. 

The previous round had just left when one of the workers stopped them, holding his arm out to bar the way. “Excuse me, but drinks aren’t allowed on this ride.”

Taehyun burst into a mischievous grin as he plucked the almost-empty drink out of Beomgyu’s hand, his own cup clasped in his own hand. “Oh drat. I’ll just sit this one out then. I’ll hold all your stuff for you guys.” With that, he ducked out of the red fence before the others could make a grab for him. 

“WHAT?! Wait how can he be let off so easily?!” Kai shrieked. Taehyun merely shrugged, making a show of himself sipping flamboyantly from his cup. Despite the protests, there was nothing they could do as the bored-looking workers shuffled them to the edge of the platform impatiently. 

Beomgyu opened his mouth, preparing to suggest Kai sit next to him. But Yeonjun beat him to it.

“Hueningie, come with me to front. I promise you’ll have fun, I’ll be right next to you!” Before the younger could respond, Yeonjun took Kai’s hand and half-dragged him to the very front of the carriage. 

Then, Soobin was beside him, gesturing for him to sit next to him on the row right behind the other two. Beomgyu followed suit, not knowing what else to do, feeling slightly dizzy.

As the bar lowered into his lap, the one thing preventing him from flying off to his death, Beomgyu realised he hadn’t actually said anything to boy beside him. Not today, not for the past few weeks. He wondered if Soobin noticed that. If he did, the older boy showed no sign of it. Or maybe because now wasn’t the time at all to talk about something like that. Instead, he turned to Beomgyu with a smile so wide, it turned Beomgyu’s insides to mush. 

“This is going to be so fun!” Beomgyu merely nodded, more focused on the fact that the rollercoaster’s seats were so narrow, Beomgyu was practically squished up next to Soobin’s bigger frame. He had never been this close to Soobin and the close proximity was doing things to his brain. He suddenly found himself wishing this ride would last forever, just so he could look at how pretty his dimples dipped when he smiles this big. 

Beomgyu didn’t even register that they had already begun moving until they reached the peak of the ride. There was a slight lull as the carriage teetered precariously at the tip, pausing for suspense. One could probably see the entire park from this height, but Beomgyu was more interested in seeing the way the strong wind brushed Soobin’s hair out of his crescent moon eyes. 

“Pu- yo- ha- sup!” Soobin was saying something to him but his naturally too-soft voice was carried away by the rush of air around them. 

“Wha-“ Beomgyu didn’t get a chance to hear it again as the rollercoaster tipped over, plunging head first at an 89° angle. Everything happened really fast after that. 

Soobin grabbed Beomgyu’s hand and raised it off the bar, up into the air. The sudden contact took Beomgyu off-guard for a moment, an eruption of butterflies making him feel more internally than externally. What Soobin had said clicked in his mind a couple of seconds later, so he brought his other hand up. Still, the older boy did not let go. In fact, he held on even tighter, whooping with glee as the inertia tossed their bodies in all directions. Beomgyu could barely suppress his own shrieks of excitement.

The exhilaration of literally everything at once brought Beomgyu to an all-time high and he turned to look at Soobin only to find the boy already gazing at him. The moment happened so fast, he later wondered if it actually happened at all, but Beomgyu could’ve sworn the smile on his face faltered ever so slightly as his shining eyes searched Beomgyu’s own. He felt like he could see right through him, right through the tattoo that rested permanently on his body. 

Thinking it over, Beomgyu knew that was impossible. In the heat of the moment, pumping with adrenaline, he could’ve just imagined the way Soobin was looking at him, as if there wasn’t anything better to look at, as if Soobin knew. Before anything concrete could form, the ride had already begun slowing down. The guilt returned to Beomgyu the same time his stomach did.

Only when he heard the worker’s monotonous voice announcing that the ride was over did he realise his own (probably really sweaty) hand was still holding onto Soobin’s. He jerked it back, shuffling his feet awkwardly as he waited for the bar to rise up and let him out of the increasingly uncomfortable situation. 

Soobin looked at him with a confused expression as Beomgyu hopped out a bit too hastily. As if Beomgyu couldn’t be ANY more obvious that something was bothering him. This feeling of internally face-palming was beginning to feel like second nature, but before Soobin could say anything, Yeonjun and Kai had already reached them. 

Beomgyu had expected Kai to look like he had died and come back to life. What he did not expect was the sickly shade of green that was Yeonjun’s face as he gave them a weak smile. “You know, Taehyun, maybe your laws of physics actually works.”

Taehyun, who had been recording their entire reaction, looked smug as he shoved the camera up in Yeonjun’s face. “Choi Yeonjun-ssi, you think?!” 

Yeonjun glared at the lens, opening his mouth to say more only to smack a hand in front of it, eyes wide as he ran to the nearest restroom with Kai still in tow. The crowd parted to make room for them as they dashed through, Kai’s face still a shell of shock. 

Soobin sighed, a ghost of a smile playing on his lips as Taehyun burst into laughter. “I’ll go make sure those two are alright.” He followed after them, his head towering over everyone else with his insane height. Another trait Beomgyu found extremely attractive. 

Damn, he was whipped.

“Hey Hyunnie, can I ask you something?” Beomgyu asked as they moved to take a seat on one of the park’s many benches.

“Technically, you already did. What’s up?”

“Did something happen between Soobin and Yeonjun-hyung? Or.. I don’t know-“

“Oh, you noticed?” Taehyun swung his legs back and forth as he thought over his reply. “Honestly, I’m not really in a position to say anything. But yeah, they do seem to be kind of distant.”

“Something must have happened, don’t you think?”

A silent pause stretched out between them as Taehyun studied the ground beneath them. He kicked his feet against it one more time before he let out a sigh. 

“Remember the day you were too busy to come out? Well, Soobin-hyung seemed rather out of it that day. He didn’t seem mad or anything, just more gloomy, like he didn’t really want to talk much. Yeonjun-hyung got pissed because it was bringing the whole mood down and kind of blew up on him. He told him if he didn’t want to come, then he should’ve just stayed home too.”

Beomgyu’s eyes widened in surprise. “Why didn’t you tell me this?” 

Taehyun shrugged. “It was kind of awkward at first but Yeonjun did apologise. And it seemed like it was just a bad day for the both of them because Binnie-hyung cheered up soon after. I just thought that they would’ve solved their issues by now..” Taehyun let our another sigh, his expression thoughtful. “Maybe they’re going through a rough patch. I heard somewhere that it takes about three months before to get over differences and stuff?”

Taehyun, just like Beomgyu, had never actually been in a relationship, which explains why he was hesitant to put in his opinion about it. Most people didn’t dare get into a relationship before knowing what their tattoo said in fear that they might’ve just blew off their actual soulmate. Of course Taehyun didn’t find that fear rational at all, but then again, not many shared the same mindset as the younger boy. 

“Should we say something?” Beomgyu asked tentatively. Beomgyu _wanted_ to be a good friend, and what is a good friend if they didn’t help their buddies through their problems? Still, there was that small voice in the back of his head telling him why he should when the predicament was in his favour. That same voice that sparked jealousy the night of his birthday in that kitchen. It took some effort to lock that voice away at the back of his mind where he could only hope it would stay forever. 

Taehyun looked at him with a face that said ‘ _I really have no idea, dude_ ’. The other three returned soon after. It seemed like hurling out all the contents of his stomach was all Yeonjun needed to bounce back, even more hyper than he initially was. 

What Beomgyu saw first though, was the way Soobin now seemed to stick to Yeonjun like glue. Soobin had that butterfly-inducing bright smile on his face as he and Kai laughed over something Yeonjun had said. As they got closer, it dawned on him that their hands were firmly clasped around each other. Beomgyu wanted to say he was relieved that whatever weird disagreement the two had was over and done with, yet that jealousy coiled deep in his belly begged to differ. Fortunately, he was able to mirror Taehyun’s knowing smile.

They went from ride to ride without another hitch, this time with Soobin taking his seats beside Yeonjun. Only Beomgyu couldn’t bring himself to match the others’ excitement. Every time they burst into raucous laughter and teasing, he could only hope the smile he had on his face was enough to fool everybody and hide the fact that he was actually feeling like straight-up shit. 

It was approaching 5pm when the boys decided to eat something. Hours of constant fun and thrill turned them, even Taehyun, into starving wolves. As they turned to the restaurant aisle, Beomgyu felt like he was reaching the limit to this facade. 

“Hey guys, go on ahead and save a seat for me. I need to use the restroom.”

Beomgyu turned away even before hearing the replies of acknowledgment. His face muscles hurt and he couldn’t help feeling relieved as he finally turned his back on them and allowed his face to droop down to match his gloominess. He sped-walk to the nearest bathroom, unable to get the image of Soobin out of his head. Especially when Soobin held his hand on that rollercoaster. He knew there wasn’t any kind of intention behind it, but he could still feel a tingle where the surface of his palm made contact with his fingers. God, he was such a creep.

The bathroom was one of those huge ones where they had a sink and mirror alongside the toilet. He ducked into the cubicle and slammed the door shut, trying to keep the rate of his breathing under control. At least here, he could take a break from pretending like he was fine when he really wasn’t. 

He stared at his expression, cursing at how dead he looked. How selfish was he? To not be able to look past some stupid goddamn feelings and allow them to mess with the time he spent with his friends. Maybe he wasn’t really a good friend after all. Maybe he needed to take some more time away from them. If he can’t even allow himself to be happy, he shouldn’t come along just to bring the others down and be a burden to them. Yeonjun snapped at his own boyfriend for being moody. They’d hate him if they knew what had been running through his mind all day.

Beomgyu took another huge breath, bending down to splash some water on his face. The shock of the cold liquid soothed him somewhat and allowed him to recollect himself. 

“Pull yourself together, Choi Beomgyu.” 

He half-expected his reflection to smile encouragingly back at him and tell him that he can do it. He contemplated over that thought for a good second before scrapping it entirely because... that would probably be the single, creepiest thing ever. What the fuck was he thinking?

He trudged out the bathroom feeling lighter than before, almost failing to notice the bright-blue haired boy shuffling nervously on his feet.

“Yeonjun-hyung?“

“I think we need to talk for a bit. Just the two of us.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry again for the long wait :( these past few weeks have been really hectic and draining but I feel like the world has the possibility to change for the better.
> 
> I’m thinking of writing a yeonkai one shot au loosely based on hotarubi no mori e. how bout that ehehe


	5. Wheels

_He knows. He fucking knows._

The sentence ran around in Beomgyu’s head over and over again as he fiddled with his fingers, waiting for Yeonjun to say something. The two had moved further away to the back of the theme park, where there weren’t many people around. The lights were dimmer here, the darkening sky turning the atmosphere gloomier and gloomier by the second.

Was he too obvious? Was he even easier to read than he thought he was? He must be the worst actor on earth if he can’t even cover up a simple crush. Was it even a crush? This feeling so intense, it felt like it was expanding and crushing his heart at the same time by the mere thought of dimples and crescent moon eyes. He didn’t think that such a strong feeling could be classified as nothing more than a crush. It was so, so much more, and every second he hung around him, Beomgyu fears he had just been falling deeper and deeper.

The air felt electric with tension. Beomgyu fixed his gaze on the dusty floor, his peripheral vision catching Yeonjun repeatedly shifting his weight between his feet, a habit he did when he was agitated. Not daring to look up at him, Beomgyu flinched when the older boy finally let out a word.

“I’m sorry.” Beomgyu turned to look at him, mouth open in surprise. Whatever he had expected Yeonjun to say, it certainly wasn’t this. 

“For what?”

“I know somethings been bothering you. I should’ve known since the day you chose not to come with us to Moa Cafe. But I’ve been so caught up with my own issues and problems, I just-“ Yeonjun bit his lip, turning to look Beomgyu in the eye. “No, I should’ve been more attentive to _you_. You’ve been off the entire day, of course I noticed. But it just didn’t feel right to bring it up around the others, so yeah. I’m sorry for not asking earlier but Gyu, what’s wrong?” 

“No, hyung! I’m fine, seriously. Just a little bit tired, didn’t sleep well last night. You know how it is.” Beomgyu chuckled to lighten up the mood, rubbing a hand to the back of his neck. It was almost hilarious, because this was exactly what _he_ should be saying. He was the one lost in his own, unreasonable problems, so much so that he didn’t even realise Yeonjun was worried about him. “Cheer up, man.”

“Gyu, you can’t fool me. I’ve been your best friend for years. I know you like I know the back of my hand. I feel like we’ve been getting distant lately, I don’t know why but I can feel it. Like there’s this rift between us and it’s bothering me. I’m sure it’s bothering you, too. We should have talked way earlier, I’m really such a bad friend.” Now that’s unfair, that was Beomgyu’s line. “Don’t tell me you’re fine when you’re not.”

Yeonjun’s tone was desperate, pleading even. Beomgyu wanted to run away, curl up somewhere and cry, because he did know why there was a rift between them. It was his fault. He was the one who had been forcing this distance between them all because he couldn’t control his emotions. Yet here Yeonjun was, thinking that it must be his doing. Beomgyu had never felt shame like he did now, as if Yeonjun’s words was a whole wave of guilt crashing down on him and breaking his spirit to pieces. But he knew it wasn’t half as bad as it would be if he told him the truth.

“Hyung, believe me when I say this but it has NOTHING to do with you.” _It has everything to do with you._ “I’m just stressed out from school work and stuff, you’re overthinking this whole thing.” _You’re right to think this._ “It’s not your fault.” _It’s mine._

Yeonjun narrowed his eyes, studying Beomgyu’s features to see if there was more to what he was saying. He wasn’t buying it. “Look, you’re not the only one. If you haven’t realised, I’ve kinda pulled back from everyone else. I just need to focus on myself, you know. There’s nothing wrong between us, hyung. I’m like, trying to find myself or something?” Beomgyu tried for a light laugh, wanting desperately to change the suffocatingly tense atmosphere. 

“Oh.... But still, you know you can talk to me right? You can tell me everything. I promise you, I’m always hear to listen. Whatever you’re going through, I can help.” 

There’s no possible way Yeonjun could help but Beomgyu just smiled reassuringly in response. “I know.” Of course Yeonjun would come to the conclusion that he was to blame for their change in dynamic. Yeonjun was just selfless like that. Another reason to why Beomgyu could never let him know the truth behind all of this. He couldn’t bear to see the boy distraught when all he deserved was all the world’s happiness. Though he rarely expressed it, Beomgyu loved his best friend with his entire heart.

“I don’t want us to drift apart, Gyu. I’m sorry if I seemed dramatic-“

“Oh my god, stop apologising already.”

“OK, OK! But I guess I just got scared, you know you’re the person I trust most in this entire world, right? I don’t want to lose you. You’re my best friend, nothing less.” 

Beomgyu felt his throat constrict as he fought to hold back the burning sensation in the back of his eyelids. He didn’t deserve him. At all.

“Shut up. You’re being ridiculously soppy.” 

He stepped forward to envelope Yeonjun in a hug, vision still dangerously blurry. Yeonjun hugged back even tighter. “I’m glad we had this talk, this shit has been on my mind for weeks.” Yeonjun’s voice sounded constrained as if he too was holding back tears.

Beomgyu’s fingers curled into the back of Yeonjun’s sweater, allowing himself to stay there just a bit longer. He forgot how comforting Yeonjun’s presence was. His body warmth staved off the increasingly biting cold of the evening wind as well as the increasingly painful ache of his heart. Closing his eyes, Beomgyu was once again reminded of exactly why he was suppressing his feelings like this. He didn’t deserve Yeonjun, but he had him nonetheless. Beomgyu secretly vowed to himself that he’ll try harder. He’ll do whatever it takes to make sure Yeonjun was happy with Soobin, even if that meantbreaking his own heart in the process.

*****

After a gigantic meal of never ending grilled meat, ramyeon and teokbeokki, the 5 boys walked along the coastline of the man-made lake at the centre of the theme park as they waited for the food to settle. Beomgyu would be lying if he said his mini-breakdown with Yeonjun didn’t help him cheer up somewhat. The heartache was still omnipresent but at least his smiles came easier. 

The sun was gradually dipping below the horizon, spreading her rays of pinks and oranges to the world below. It would’ve been pretty if not for the bright neon lights that were beginning to turn on one by one. The area usually was crowded but it was around dinner time so there weren’t many people around. Yeonjun had his arm around Beomgyu’s shoulder, talking animatedly to Soobin on his other side. 

Beomgyu tried not to pay too much attention to them. Something about which rides they should go to for a second round since their time here was limited. He did promise to try harder but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel that godawful sting every time he sees them together. 

“Gyu, what about you?”

“Huh, what?” Beomgyu turned to his right to find both Chois looking back at him. Yeonjun rolled his eyes while Soobin just let out a laugh.

“Your attention span is as short as Taehyun, I swear.” A yelp of protest could be heard from behind them from the person of interest, which Yeonjun wholly ignored. “I was asking whether you’d want to come with us again on that blue rollercoaster we went on at first. The other two definitively wouldn’t want to go, but me and Soob are probably gonna ride it at least 3 times more.”

“Hey, watch your words. Your stomach couldn’t handle one ride and now you’re talking four.” Soobin attempted to swat Yeonjun’s shoulder but the latter was fast enough to catch it. Instead of letting go, he intertwined his fingers and let both their hands hang casually between them. Beomgyu looked away immediately, trying to focus on answering their question instead of the stabs of jealousy. But before he could, Yeonjun had already snapped back.

“Come on, that was wayyy early in the morning.” 11am was apparently early for Yeonjun. “I’m all prepared now. I’m _ready_ for this. The question is are _you_?” 

Soobin scoffed, narrowing his eyes playfully at his boyfriend. “Born ready. Lets take a bet, whoever rides the most times without puking has to pay for the next date.”

“DEAL! Oh yeah, Beomgyu, you in on this too?”

In on what? The bet? The date? That wasn’t happening. Yeonjun was just asking him to come along because of course he couldn’t leave his ‘designated ride partner’ out on this. In another world, Beomgyu would have jumped in on the whole idea. What best friend didn’t absolutely love the idea of tagging along on their friend’s dates with the prospect of free food? Unfortunately, in this world, Beomgyu was hopelessly in love and couldn’t even stand the sight of them holding hands. 

“Sorry guys, but I have to pass. Probably had too much of that radish kimchi.”

Yeonjun’s face fell. Beomgyu refused to study Soobin’s expression. “Awww, are you sure? When else are we going have the chance to do all this together?” 

“Seriously. I said it and I’ll say it again. Vomit everywhere ruins the whole experience.”

“Fine. You’ll just have to babysit the maknaes while both of us go.” Now there were two sets of protests behind them. Beomgyu just knew Taehyun was close to roundhousing their oldest hyung. 

“BINNIE LOOK!” Beomgyu felt the weight of Yeonjun’s arm leave his shoulders as the older boy pointed to a large, gaudy attraction at the ending of the lake. ‘Tunnel of Love’ was written on the top in huge, hot pink writing, baby Cupids and oversized hearts fluttering around it.

Soobin wrinkled his nose in disgust. “You want to go on that thing? Are you kidding me?”

“Shut up, I’ve always wanted to see what actually is in there. Like, what if there is a sudden plot twist and they’re hiding an attraction _within_ an attraction? A plot twist?!”

Soobin rolled his eyes but he was already fighting back the smile on his lips. “Just say you’re a soppy romantic and go.”

Beomgyu really didn’t want to be listening in on this conversation but moving away would cause some uncomfortable responses. Good thing Soobin was already pulling a flustered Yeonjun towards the monstrous attraction. 

He heard a sigh as the two bickered with each other, still hand in hand. “Not gonna lie, they look good together.” Kai murmured from behind him while Taehyun hummed in approval.

Watching the two get on the swan boat together, still evidently fighting each other yet their faces split into huge, unwavering smiles. Beomgyu couldn’t help but to agree; they did look good together. However, as the boat descended into the tunnel, Beomgyu could’ve sworn Soobin turned around to glance at him just before the darkness swallowed them up. 

Beomgyu decided to hang around the maknaes anyway, using the radish kimchi excuse to avoid going on the big rides with those two. And boy, they only did focus on the big rides. Beomgyu wanted to go too but the fear of messing up or saying something too weird got to him. Plus, he wasn’t going to deny that watching them just.. _happy_ together was a straight punch to the gut.

“I swear, if I wasn’t so afraid of flying off and plummeting to my death, I wouldn’t have allowed Junnie-hyung to steal MY gum.” Kai huffed into his grape juice as they sat on a bench, waiting for the hyungs to finish up their last ride.

“Sure, we’re totally not the third-wheelers here.” Taehyun took the bottle from Kai and took a huge chug from it. “Or you could say fifth-wheelers.”

Kai tugged at a curl, tilting his head in the way that makes it obvious that he was thinking. “In all honesty though, I’m glad they’re having a good time together. Soobin-hyung’s been kinda stressed lately, it’s nice to see him laugh so much.”

Beomgyu didn’t move but he definitely perked up at that. Turns out Yeonjun wasn’t the only one dealing with issues. He was curious but before he could make up his mind whether or not to ask Kai to elaborate, the lovebirds in question were already walking towards them. Both of them had faces as green as pickles, not even bothering to hide their discomfort from the 5 rounds they’ve consecutively went through. 

“So, who won?” Taehyun asked as the both of them collapsed on to their bench. Yeonjun and Soobin looked at each other, sharing a glance before the former answered.

“It was a stupid bet anyway, it’s off.”

“Unfair too.” Soobin piped up, nodding his head vigorously. “If I hadn’t eaten so much, I would’ve easily gone for more.”

Yeonjun snorted in disbelief. “Please do tell, when do you NOT eat so much?”

“Speak for yourself, piggy Jun.” 

Yeonjun gasped in mock horror but was too tired to retaliate. Beomgyu stood up, brushing his hands together to swipe off the dust. “I think it’s time we call it a day. Come on guys, let’s head back.”

Yeonjun groaned as he got up, stretching his arms out. “Alrighty then. Who’s in my car?” The half-dead boy fished out his car keys and swung them around his finger, the other hand on his hip. 

“Na uh.” Beomgyu quickly snatched the keys away from him. “There’s no way you both are getting behind the wheel. Me and Taehyun are gonna drive, okay?” 

“Oooh, his inner mama gyu is coming out. It’s rare to see you so serious.” Kai called out.

Beomgyu gave him a half-hearted smile, feeling the tendrils of exhaustion pull at his legs and eyelids too. One full day of physical and emotional strain was taking its toll on him, but he couldn’t let them know that. “Someone’s gotta be the hyung when the real ones look like they’re about the drop dead any second.”

Soobin chuckled at that, making Beomgyu’s heart thump a little beat louder than usual. “I’m not dying yet, but you’re right. All that adrenaline from just now has just gone kapoot. I’m sorry to have to ask you this, but how about you drop me and Junnie back at our dorm while Taehyunnie takes Hyuka? We’ll just grab our cars the next day, it’s not like we live that far away from each other. If that’s ok with you, of course.”

“Y-yeah, that’s alright. Sounds like a plan.” Beomgyu averted his gaze away from Soobin. The older seemed strangely tentative, as if he thought any misplaced word could rub Beomgyu the wrong way. It was probably because he had purposefully avoided him the entire day ever since that first ride. Beomgyu could feel an awkward sort of grip holding on to their friendship now, as if they had just introduced themselves to each other rather than having been practically best buds just a few weeks prior. It was a conversation they would probably have to breach some day if they still wanted to be friends(which Beomgyu really, _really_ wanted). 

But, thankfully, not today.

Taehyun and Kai piled into Soobin’s considerably nicer car. Yeonjun pouted but didn’t protest, the exhaustion in his droopy eyes clearly overriding the annoyance at someone else riding his baby. He scrambled into the back seat and lay down, immediately shutting his eyes as Soobin squeezed into the passenger seat. Beomgyu didn’t drive that often, especially during the night and especially in a safety hazard of a vehicle. 

Just before they took off, Yeonjun’s heavy voice drifted up. “Take care of my baby.” 

Beomgyu smirked, reaching behind to randomly pat at wherever he was. “Don’t worry, she’s in safe hands.”

The rest of the car ride was silence. Beomgyu didn’t dare look at the boy beside him because 

  1. He didn’t dare take his eyes off the road.
  2. He didn’t trust himself not to react if he saw a sleeping Soobin all adorable and shit yet again in such close proximity to him.



30 tense minutes later, they finally reached their destination. Beomgyu heaved a sigh of relief as he took his hands off the steering wheel, knuckles white from clamping down on it so hard. The moon was now completely covered by the clouds, leaving the areas where the cars headlights didn’t shine impossibly dark. That’s it, he’s not driving back to his own dorm in this car, he’d die of a heart attack sooner. He booked a cab instead.

“Thanks, Beomgyu.” He stiffened up at the sudden, soft voice of Soobin. 

“Yeah sure. No problem.” 

He watched as Soobin glanced toward the still sleeping figure of Yeonjun before pursing his lip, clearly wanting to say something. Beomgyu waited with bated breath, his tired brain still trying to gather his scattered thoughts.

“I- umm. Look... I-...” Soobin shook his head. “Nevermind, thanks for the ride.” 

“No no, wait. Just tell me.” Beomgyu decided it would be better to just know what was going through the seemingly unreadable boy’s head. If anything, he hoped it could suit the heartache he felt gazing at an adorably sleepy Soobin. 

Something indecipherable flashed in the older’s eyes before he shot Beomgyu a tired smile. “I just wanted to ask you if you were okay. But... I don’t think now is the best time to talk about it, we’re tired and it’s been a long day. You need to get home and rest. Better sleep does wonders to your mood. Trust me, I know. Once you get home, don’t stay up. Make sure you go to bed immediately.”

Beomgyu chuckled, nodding his head in understanding.

“Promise me!”

“Okok hyung. I promise.” 

The smile Beomgyu received was bright enough to replace the moon’s reflected light. Beomgyu wanted to stay there forever. Soobin’s eyes were so beautiful, not quite disappearing with his smile but just wide enough for stars to twinkle in the deep, brown irises. His dimples dipping into his soft skin. His silky brown hair slightly in disarray from the power nap he took during the drive. 

And his lips. 

Oh, his full, pink lips that glow everytime he broke into a smile. Beomgyu wondered how’d they feel like against his own. Were they as fluffy as they always seemed to be? Would he taste sweet like strawberries or rich like vanilla? If Beomgyu just closed the short distance between them, he would have the answer to his questions. Just a small movement forward, and-

“Is that your cab?”

“What?” Beomgyu jerked back, looking out towards the driveway where, sure enough, his cab driver was waiting for him. “Oh, yes, yup.”

Beomgyu quickly turned off the engine as Soobin woke Yeonjun up. They tumbled out of the car, Soobin having to support Yeonjun a bit as the older kept nodding off into slumber. He mumbled something to Beomgyu that either could’ve been thanks or a swear word.

Beomgyu passed the car keys to Soobin, hoping the dark was enough to hide his burning cheeks. “Text me when you get home, alright? You and Hyunnie. Be safe, Beomie. And goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Soobin stepped away to the dorms, then turned back and ruffled Beomgyu’s hair as if it was an afterthought. Beomgyu’s heartbeat that had been picking up speed over the past few seconds... minutes?... seemed to stop all together as he stared at the retreating backs of his hyungs.

What was that? Had he been about to _kiss_ Soobin? Did he really think about kissing Soobin when his own boyfriend, his _bestfriend_ , was unknowingly dozing off in the backseat of the fucking car? What was wrong with him? He was a mess. A whole, emotion-driven, stupid, horrible fucking mess. Only the impatient honk of his cab driver brought him out of his stupor.

All the way home, he couldn’t stop thinking about what would’ve happened if he did erase the mere centimetres between them. 

And the fact that this was the first time Soobin called him Beomie.

*****

** 4 YEARS AGO **

_ The boy leaned against the wall, too busy battling his own thoughts to notice the creases he was slowly indenting into the paper he held. He tugged at the collar of his uniform nervously, glancing at his watch every two seconds. He had to duck out of class early to make sure he got there before the rest of school ended. But now he regretted leaving so quick, the wait was making him more and more agitated by the second. _

_ It was simple. Best case scenario; he wouldn’t even have to speak. Everything he felt was already written in that flimsy paper. All he had to do was hand it over to the boy who always stopped by the vending machine before he headed home. He would give him the letter and tell him to read it once he gets home. The fact that he had after-school lessons later would give him enough reason not to stick around. _

_ Yes, it was very simple. _

_ “What do you mean?” _

_ His heart skipped a beat. The owner of that voice seemed to do that to his central organ quite frequently lately. He turned, planning to step out of the wall he’d been hiding behind but stopped. A secondary voice, one he couldn’t quite place, wafted out.  _

_ “I don’t think you understand. I do like her. She’s cute and everything but... isn’t it too early? What if she’s not my soulmate and I end up either breaking her heart or having to live knowing she wasn’t who was destined for me?” _

_ “Hmm, you have a point there. I guess it would be tricky.” The person who the boy intended to give his letter to replied.  _

_ “Tell me it’s better to just say no now. It’ll avoid all that mess.” _

_ “But then, what if she actually was your soulmate but you saying no to her now changes that?” _

_ “Bro, that’s a whole mindfuck right there.” _

_ The two broke into laughter before the first boy spoke again.  _

_ “In all seriousness though, this soulmate thing.. it’s complicated to wrap your mind around it. If I were you though, I think I would play it safe. I wouldn’t say no, but maybe don’t take it too serious. OH, but let her know that of course, she needs to be on the same page or not that would just be mean.” _

_ “Yes yes I got it. I’ll just let her know this is only casual dating, nothing exclusive. And if she doesn’t want that, I’ll just back off. I guess that’s a lot more better than straight up rejecting her. I hope she understands though.” _

_“She has to understand. Make sure you explain it to her properly.” There was a pause before he continued in a lower tone. “It_ is _too early for anything serious. A few more years and we’ll practically be told who’s right for us. That’s only natural, right? Finding out who’s our other half.. don’t call me soppy or shit but I honestly can’t wait for it.”_

_ The boy behind the wall felt his heart sink deeper and deeper with each word that came out of his mouth. This was not going to work. It was true, he would know soon enough what his tattoo would say. But he had always thought what he felt was the real deal, this hormone-bending, heart wrenching emotion they called _ love .

_ He was so sure that boy, laughing and discussing so casually about soulmates, was his first love. But how would he even know what love was if he’d never experienced it? People were supposed to experience it when they were 20, yet here he was thinking he knew all about it. _

__ Who was he kidding? Love or not, he knew the answer to the question that sat at the end of his letter. He knew that if he ever let the boy know, he would be rejected. Or worse.  
  


_ He would never be able to talk to him again. That fact in itself hurt more than the thought that he couldn’t be with him as much as his heart wanted him to.  _

_ With that, he walked away from the voices, treading as lightly as he could. When he got far out of sight, he held up the ridiculous letter, glaring at it through blurry vision. Grunting with frustration, he tore it in half. And again into four ragged pieces. _

_ He tore and tore until the paper was beyond repair, tossing it into the nearest trash can. He ran home then. There was no way he could attend his classes with tears streaming down his face like this.  _

_ And there was certainly no way he could face  _ him _. Not now, when he knew heartbreak for the first time. At least the one silver lining was that he didn’t have to go through the whole trouble of confessing to get the answer to his unrequited feelings. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lookie here, a new chapter so early(considered early since this is the first time I’ve managed to update within the week, yayyy)  
> this chapter is also a bit longer than my chapters usually are but I wanted to fit a lot of elements. I hope you guys enjoy it >3<
> 
> P.S. Bear in mind that I’ve sort of changed how I want this to end so I’m going to take out a scene from a previous chapter. don’t worry, it’s quite a minor scene but I still want to since it would make no sense to implement something I would never build on later in the story.


	6. Thoughts

All Beomgyu wanted to do was to lie in his bed with the AC on full blast, wrapped in blankets and listening to soul-wrenching songs to feed the inner turmoil in his heart. Yet he was out here.

_Studying_.

It sucked that with every thought that went through his head, it was almost definitely accompanied with another thought of dimpled cheeks and star-filled eyes. 

_Beomie_.

How could one word ignite so many contrasting feelings within him? Beomgyu wanted to hear that name again, from the same mouth that created it. The same mouth he had wanted to kiss.

Beomgyu shook his head violently, causing his head to throb with the sudden movement. With a big sigh, he allowed gravity to pull his head facedown into the books in front of him. He was going to flunk this exam so bad.

“Finals getting to you too, huh?”

Beomgyu tilted his face to rest on his cheek, recognising the familiar platinum-blonde boy taking a seat in front of him. He placed a cup of coffee right in front of him to which Beomgyu glanced questioningly at.

Wooyoung shrugged, taking a sip from his own cup of coffee. “I had a free plus one today at Moa Cafe so I thought I’d just give it to the next despairing student I see. I might just have saved a life.”

Beomgyu lifted his head with a half-hearted smile. “Thanks Woo, my faithful guardian angel.” 

“Of course. By the way, why’re you out here? Didn’t you say this place was too distracting to study?”

Beomgyu stifled a sigh. Right now, he was located at a cluster of tables littered outside the cafeteria meant to be a chill place for students to study. Beomgyu always found it way too noisy and preferred to do so in his own dorm or at the back of the campus’s library. But right now, he needed that very distraction to disrupt the constant thoughts that plagued his mind of that night. 

It was just one car ride. Soobin didn’t even say anything in the slightest bit romantic to him. Beomgyu had long since excepted that ANY interaction he shared with that boy no matter how small was going to make his heart do flips. But of course he couldn’t tell Wooyoung that.

“I can’t seem to study by myself these days. And, don’t tell him this but I’m too scared to ask Taehyun for help. That boy can get scary when it comes to school shit.” It wasn’t the full truth but he didn’t lie. “I need this certain aura around here to study, you know?”

“And is it working?”

Beomgyu glanced dejectedly at his book, crisp clean and devoid of the notes he had intended to fill it in with for the past hour. “Not really.”

Wooyoung looked at him with pity. “Maybe you need to do something to take your mind completely off finals. Just for a bit so you can get back on track.”

“Nah, I did just that 3 day’s ago, went to the theme park and everything.” And it did the exact opposite. “It’s fine, I think I just need to at least TRY to focus and I’ll be able to eventually.”

Wooyoung nodded and the two of them lapsed into silence. Another half hour passed yet and Beomgyu was as unknowledgeable as he had been when he first sat down at the table. He glanced at Wooyoung who seemed to be nodding off even with the shot of coffee he had.

“Hey, Woo.”

“Hmm?”

“Weird question but uhhh... have you ever fallen in lo-“

“HEY BABE!” 

Beomgyu’s vision could barely catch the blur of movement before another man materialised right behind Wooyoung, squishing him into a back hug. Caught off guard, Wooyoung screeched before melting into giggles when he realised his attacker was none other than San, his soulmate for a year now. 

“San, what the fuck. People are trying to study here.” Wooyoung attempt to fight back a smile was clearly failing. He didn’t seem to care less about the glares other students shot at them. 

Beomgyu felt that prick of envy as he stared at the two of them, so comfortably in love. Without any doubt or hesitation, it was just so easy for them to be together. Then again, most soulmate couples were like that, the universe basically handpicked the two people who would best complete each other. It was the norm to be completely and totally in love with whoever you were destined to be with, or at least that’s what society thinks.

Of course Wooyoung would have no idea what it felt like to love someone who couldn’t be yours.

“Oh, Beomgyu, what were you saying?”

Beomgyu shook his head with a forced smile. “Nah nothing. I gotta ciao now though, I’ll catch you guys around?”

“Oh is it because of me? I’m sorry if I bothered you.” 

Beomgyu quickly waved his hands at San’s guilty expression. “No no, definitely not. I wasn’t getting anywhere with studying here anyway. But thanks for the coffee though, it was good.” 

Beomgyu trudged off to catch the bus back to his dorm, his heart only getting heavier and his brain messier as time went on. He needed to do something about this before he spiralled down a life of failure and despair. 

All because of one boy who couldn’t help being the definition of perfection.

*****

**Ningning** : heyo, u free now?

**Me** : no but I’ll make myself free. what’s up?

**Ningning** : i need to talk to you about sumn. I’ll call you now

Beomgyu locked the door to his dorm before quickly dumping his belongings to the side. Taehyun wasn’t done with his classes yet so he had the small room to himself. The message Kai sent didn’t reveal much but the way he typed it out, devoid of emojis and playfulness, was so unlike the maknae. Whatever they were going to talk about, it was serious.

He swiped the answer button the second his phone lit up, bringing it to his ear to greet the younger.

“Hey, uhhh... you can’t tell anyone what I’m about to say, even Yeonjun-hyung. Is that okay?”

“Woah, you’re kind of scaring me. Is something wrong?” Beomgyu took a seat on his couch, his feeling of alarm spiking with Kai’s cryptic words.

“I don’t think so. Well, at least I hope not. I was just wondering if Yeonjun talked to you, like anything to do with Soobin-hyung.”

“No? Why would he?”

“You promise you won’t try to interfere or anything between them, right?”

“Yes, yes. Promise.” Kai’s serious tone was putting Beomgyu more on edge than usual.

“To be honest, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. Like, maybe they’ll get over it? I think they would. They probably will, I mean.. they definitely should. Like-“

“Hueningie, get to the point.”

“Okay, okay. It’s just the other day, Soobin-hyung came over to the cafe while I was on overtime shift. He probably didn’t know I was going to be there because he walked straight back out the minute he came in. I don’t know why he thought I wouldn’t see him, the dude’s a whole ass tree, he basically towers over everyone else. But yeah, of course I notice him so I run out after him and cornered him and he seemed sort of... jumpy? His face was all tense and screwed up, the way it is when he was upset about something so I knew something was bothering him. So I tried to ask him what’s wrong but he just kept deflecting saying he realised he had somewhere else to be. Can you believe it? He thinks he can fool me, after having known him for years. Come on. Me?! His whole ass gum?!?! How do you expect me to-“

“Kai, don’t stray of topic, please.”

“Oh yeah yeah, sorry. Okay so, after my genius interrogation skills, he finally said that he and Yeonjun-hyung had a small fight. Well, he said small but what kind of small fight would make him walk all the way out of his campus just because he wanted fresh air. Soobin is the laziest person I know, he wouldn’t even walk to the convenience store for ice cream, he would rather just have it delivered. Plus, he looked pretty upset.”

“When did this happen?”

“Yesterday. It might not be a big deal and they probably have made up already but... I don’t know. I’m just worried I guess. I don’t want to see them fight. We’re one gang, what would happen if things got rough between them?”

A rift between Yeonjun and Soobin would definitely break apart their tight-knit group. He couldn’t see how they could all get together again if the actual reasons they were all friends in the first place were at each other’s throats. All the more reason why Beomgyu needed to keep his irrational feelings as hidden as possible. 

“Hyung, do you know anything about this? Did Yeonjun tell you something?”

“No, actually.” As a matter of fact, Yeonjun hadn’t been telling him anything. Only now did it strike Beomgyu how weird that was. Yeonjun was the type of person to randomly send texts about literally anything throughout the day. If not, then at least a text to let Beomgyu know how handsome Yeonjun looked (usually accompanied with a selca that Beomgyu uses to make clown edits). Guilt once again struck within Beomgyu at the fact that he’d been making no effort at all to ask Yeonjun what he’s been up to. He made a mental note to do just that at the soonest moment. 

“Ah, I see. Then maybe it really isn’t a big deal. I just wish Binnie-hyung could talk to me about stuff like that.”

Beomgyu hesitated before answering, tentative about his words. “Maybe it’s best not to get involved. They love each other, don’t they? Whatever it is, I know they’ll work it out eventually.” 

There it was again. That sting that made his heart hurt the minute the words he half-meant spilled from his mouth. Beomgyu was glad they were talking over the phone for he couldn’t imagine how he would be able to give advice on his unreachable soulmate’s relationship with a straight face. 

Beomgyu heard the exhale of relief on the other side of the line before Kai spoke. “I suppose you’re right. But still, we’re all friends here. Taehyunnie too, I’m sure his big brain could solve through any problem. It wouldn’t hurt to help each other out, I mean that’s literally what friends are for. We all just want to see them happy together, right?”

“Yeah.” Ultimately, that was the goal. Beomgyu did want to see them happy, god knows they both definitely deserved it. It didn’t matter that he had to put his own happiness at stake, all he needed was his friends by his side until he could get over the pain that wrecked his heart and soul from a mistaken tattoo, for he was sure from the way Soobin _looked_ at Yeonjun that he loved the older. It struck him that the faith he used to put into the term soulmates was fading away with every passing moment. How could it not when he knew the love he felt would never be reciprocated? He was doing this for them. “Of course, yes.”

“It was nice to have this talk with you, hyung. I wish we can all hang out again soon. One whole month seems like too long a wait.”

Beomgyu laughed. “Don’t worry, Ningning. I have a feeling I’d be going over to Moa Cafe a whole lot more once exam season enters full swing.”

The two of them talked a lot more after that. About all the shit Kai was knee-deep in at school and how crazy Beomgyu’s schedule was now so close to exams alongside the constant banter. About everything and nothing. Taehyun came back not long after and immediately crashed the call with a straight-on nag about how they should be studying but instead, the three ended up talking for even longer. 

It felt good to unwind like that, to take his mind of the constant cycle between studying and Choi Soobin and just.. relax. By the time Taehyun jabbed at his phone to finally end the call, screaming a hectic goodbye at a Kai who was still in the middle of another story, the sun had long since set.

Beomgyu retired to his bedroom as Taehyun did the same, promising himself that he would text Yeonjun first thing in the morning. Maybe even ask him to get together for a small meet-up although it was unlikely due the older’s packed weekends but oh well, it was the thought that counted after all.

*****

Beomgyu gave up on his last attempt to study 10 minutes to 1am. Shoving his books aside, he made to get ready for bed when his phone screen lit up, the incessant buzzing almost making it vibrate straight off his study desk. He grabbed it wondering who could possibly call him so late at night.

**Junnie-hyung** 🦊

Beomgyu couldn’t help smiling to himself, although given how inappropriately late the older had decided to make contact. He supposed Yeonjun just couldn’t wait until tomorrow. 

“Hyung, I hope you know you’re disrupting my beauty sleep-“

“Beomgyu? Is that y-you?” Beomgyu stiffened at the sound of Yeonjun’s voice, laced with fear and uncertainty and barely decipherable over the roar of voices and music on his end. A chill ran down Beomgyu’s spine as alarm bells rang off in his head. 

Something was wrong. 

“Yeonjun-hyung? What’s wrong? Where the hell are you?!”

“I... I did something... please.... can you..... hurt....” Beomgyu could barely hear anything else as the noise in the background swelled and diminished as if it had a pulse of its own.

“Hyung? Can you hear me? Just tell me where you are, please!”

“You need.... help.. fuck-“ Beomgyu flinched away from his phone when he heard the loud thud of what seemed like Yeonjun’s phone dropping to the floor. The noise rose to a roar and cut off abruptly, leaving the beeping noises of a call that had been hung up.

“Shit, come on.” Beomgyu cursed to himself as he redialled his number twice more but to no avail. His heart thumped as he raced to grab an overcoat and his wallet; he wasn’t entirely sure but he knew a bar Yeonjun frequently visited when he didn’t feel very good.

Unlike Beomgyu, who dealt with his sorrows by literally drowning in them in his own room where he could be alone, Yeonjun rather forget about his entirely. What better way to forget than alcohol and complete strangers? 

“God, Yeonjun, what have you done..?” Beomgyu mumbled under his breath as he filed out of his room. He stopped just in front of Taehyun’s slightly ajar door. Peering inside, Beomgyu could only see the tuft of hair poking out of Taehyun’s sheets in the dimness, signalling the younger was already asleep. Beomgyu decided against bringing Taehyun along; it probably wouldn’t do well to stress the maknae even more than he already was. 

Beomgyu ran out of his dorm building, the cold bite of the night air harsh on his bare face. But the temperature wasn’t the only reason why goosebumps prickled under his skin. Beomgyu managed to hail a cab, fear gnawing at his joints and rendering them frozen as he stared out the window of the moving vehicle, imagining every case scenario possible. Though Yeonjun was reckless, he has never drunk himself crazy without someone by his side to make sure he was safe. Beomgyu cursed himself for not talking to his best friend sooner. Maybe if he did, he would’ve known what the fuck was going through Yeonjun’s head, or even better, prevented this from happening at all. 

The drive seemed to take forever, but finally Beomgyu was in front of the gaudy, neon sign that framed the entrance to where Yeonjun hopefully was. Beomgyu had never really entered places like this, but from the few times he had accompanied Yeonjun, he didn’t like it much. Too many people, too much noise. Beomgyu never saw the appeal to it.

The club was expectedly pretty full on a Friday night. Beomgyu squeezed through the throngs of people, adrenaline and fear making his heart pump as if it was going to explode. The air was stiff and hot with the bodies of people everywhere. He heaved a sigh of relief when he finally made it to the bar. 

“Excuse me, have you seen a young man enter here? Tall, blue hair, you can’t have missed him.” Beomgyu had to shout, pushing his throat to the limit, to make sure his words could be heard. Another reason why places like these make his skin crawl. 

His heart plummeted to his stomach as the bartender took a second too long to answer. If he wasn’t here, Beomgyu didn’t know where else to begin his search. He didn’t want to think about how long that could take.

“Ah ya, your buddy here seemed to have a death wish. Wouldn’t stop drinking but got mad when we refused to serve him more. Bouncers took him out not too long ago.”

Anger boiled in Beomgyu’s blood hearing the worker’s nonchalant tone. How could they throw someone so obviously messed up out on the streets? Alone?? But now wasn’t the time to pick fights.

Beomgyu pushed out through the side entrance, relishing the feeling of comfort from finally being out of that suffocating place. The alleyway was dark and barely lit. He couldn’t tell if there was anyone in there to begin with, and that scared him even more. Every cell in Beomgyu’s body was telling him to run back to the safety of the main streets but he ignored it. Pushing his fight or flight instinct down, Beomgyu gulped nervously, hoping against hope that Yeonjun was somewhere close and reachable.

“Yeonjun? Yeonjun-hyung?!” Beomgyu’s voice ricocheted off the barren walls. Every second that stretched into silence added to his anxiety.

“Gyu?”

That single, soft-spoken syllable felt like literal heaven descended upon him. He whipped his head towards the source of the weak sound, eyesight slowly adjusting to the darkness and making out the shape of a boy huddled on the ground, looking so small and out of place.

“Shit, Junnie... What happened?” Beomgyu crouched down next to him, shrugging his overcoat off his shoulders to wrap around his shivering hyung. 

Beomgyu felt his heart break into pieces as Yeonjun tilted his head up to meet his gaze, eyes puffy and tinged red, cheeks stained with fresh tear trails. He reeked of alcohol and his pupils were unfocused, but the despair that lay in them was as obvious as any of the external features showing that Yeonjun was very not okay.

“I fucked up, Gyu. I f-fucked up bad.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh wow I really took forever to finish this >~< sorry for the long wait but really, thank you to whoever who’s still following this. I hope I’m able to get the next chapter out within 2 weeks ahhhh ENJOY!~


	7. Secrets

Beomgyu’s mind went into autopilot mode, the fear and worry that had been clouding it dissipating with the sight of his best friend looking smaller than he should. A million questions were running through his head but right now, his main priority was to get them both as far away as possible from this alleyway whose darkness might conceal the possible threats to them.

“Are you hurt?”

Yeonjun slowly shook his head once, gaze unfocused. Relieved, he took hold of his arm gently. “Come on, let’s get out of here. Get something nice and warm to drink and you can have a good sleep.”

It took a while but after a few seconds of scuffling trying to get the clearly disoriented boy to his feet, Beomgyu finally had Yeonjun’s arm over his shoulders, clutching to his body with all his might. Yeonjun shut his eyes tight and allowed his head to slack down as if he was too exhausted to even look up. The smell of alcohol was almost overwhelming but Beomgyu barely minded it. Nor did he mind the burn in his back and shoulders at the exertion from supporting an entire person, or the cold bite of the late night air seeping into his skin. What mattered the most was getting his best friend to safety.

Beomgyu relaxed ever so slightly when they finally emerged onto the main street. On a Friday night, it was still teeming with people. The sight of a completely hungover boy supported by another wasn’t unusual in an area like this so they barely received second glances. The bright lamps lit up the entire area with its harsh light.

“I’m going to take you back to your dorm now, okay?” Beomgyu murmured softly, lifting his hand to call for a cab when he felt the older boy stiffen against him.

“I can’t go back there, not when I... please, I can’t.” Yeonjun’s words were slurring into each other but he said them with a certainty.

“Hyung, wha-“

“I’m serious.” Yeonjun glared at Beomgyu straight-on, his eyes glittering with desperation and pleading with the younger. “Please.”

Beomgyu regarded him for a moment before releasing a heavy sigh. “Fine, I’ll take you back to my place-“

“No! I-I can’t let Taehyun see me like this. I can’t let _anyone_ see me like this. Please, Gyu, I’m a m-mess.” 

“Taehyun’s sleeping. He won’t know you’re there.” Yeonjun shook his head abruptly and Beomgyu felt his frustration kick in. “Okay fine. If not there, where the hell are we going to go? You want to stay here??”

No answer came. Beomgyu softened his voice, heart pricking with sympathy. “Hyung, no one else is going to see you like this. There’s only me. You got me, Junnie. Trust me.”

He watched as the older slowly nodded. His mind was bursting with questions as curiosity gave birth to the many different scenarios that could possibly lead up to this. Questions that Yeonjun in this state probably could not answer. At least not now. 

And he was angry. 

Angry towards whoever dared to hurt his best friend, one of the purest angels on this entire Earth, this bad. Beomgyu took one more glance at him. In the light, he could see how bad the older actually looked and the sight wrenched his heart. Cold sweat making his bright blue locks of hair stick to his foreheads while his muscles spasmed, eyes puffed red and still shivering despite the coat he had hung around him. He tightened his hold on Yeonjun just a little bit more. Whatever that was going on with Yeonjun, he swore he was going to get to the bottom of it.

*****

Beomgyu carefully poured water into a cup, slicing a small piece of lemon and adding to it as an afterthought. He grabbed it and made his way as softly as possible to his room. The heat seeped from the cup into his hands, eradicating the chill that had seemed to settle into it from the long hour he had spent outside dragging a semi-conscious Yeonjun back to his dorm. Fortunately, their seemingly too loud entry hadn’t awoken Taehyun. 

Beomgyu pushed into his dimly-lit room and realised the blue-haired boy had barely moved an inch since he’d deposited him on his bed. Yeonjun’s head nestled in his hands, held upright on his lap.

“Hey.” Beomgyu called out softly as he nudged Yeonjun slightly, taking a seat beside him. 

Two seconds and nothing happened. Beomgyu was just thinking that the older had actually fallen asleep in that position right then and there when he lifted his head groggily. Yeonjun still looked very much like, well, shit, but at least his eyes were no longer so unfocused and the incessant shivering had finally ceased. Beomgyu pushed the cup into his hand, making sure Yeonjun had a firm grip on it before allowing him to take a sip. His face immediately scrunched up in disgust.

“This water tastes like shit.” Yeonjun gagged to accentuate his distaste and his words still slurred though not as much as it did when he first found him. Beomgyu was just relieved he seemed to be coming back to his senses. 

“That means it’s working. Make sure you drink everything. It will help with your headache.”

Yeonjun groaned but complied anyway, taking another tentative sip. A few seconds of silence passed as Beomgyu thought about how to approach this situation. 

“Hyung, what happened?” No beating around the bush, just a straightforward question, seemed to be best.

More silence lapsed as Yeonjun averted his gaze, fixing it instead on the lonely slice of lemon bobbing up and down in his plastic cup. He took a deep breath and Beomgyu saw his eyes shift, growing heavier with the recalling of memories he had drunk himself crazy to forget. 

“Yeonjun, I want to help you. I don’t want anything more than to do so, but you need to tell me.”

Nothing. 

“Hyung, please-“

“High school. Do you remember back in high school? Just young, dumb kids thinking we could rule the world or some shit like that.” A smile played along his lips with that. He didn’t wait for Beomgyu to respond before continuing. “That party was fun, wasn’t it? What was that called... oh yeah, that truth and dare thing.”

“Don’t try to change the subject, Jun. Please let me help you, you can’t just go out and pull stunts like that for nothing.”

“Yeonwoo... Yunwoo... oh yeah. Yunho. He had a party and we were all together and we played truth or dare.” Yeonjun let out a light chuckle, completely ignoring whatever Beomgyu said. Beomgyu was afraid his best friend was still very far away from sober and was basically losing it but he didn’t say anything, waiting for the older to continue. 

“The bottle landed between you and me. You looked so happy thinking about all the stuff you could dare me to do. I said truth. And you tried persuade me to pick dare since we already knew everything about each other but I knew I would be in deep shit if I did. So you asked me that dumb question.”

Beomgyu vaguely remembered asking who Yeonjun had a crush on simply because of lack of a better question. He knew Yeonjun would’ve told him if he liked anyone beforehand so he wasn’t surprised when the older had scoffed him away. He hadn’t paid much attention to him, urging the game on for he was getting bored.

“You looked good that day. Heck, you look good everyday but I almost told you the truth then. On the way back home, I almost told you then too.”

“Yeonjun, I don’t think I understand..” It was weird seeing him talk so calmly. Beomgyu knew he was definitely still drunk, the slight sway in his words proved it. But there was an underlying truth to them; the boy wasn’t just blabbering. 

“I didn’t exactly know when it started. One day, I woke up and realised that tightness in my chest meant something. That tightness I felt every single time I saw you walking down the corridor, or heard your voice echoing off the walls. You were always there in my head. But I didn’t know that.”

“What are you even-“

“I loved you.” Yeonjun finally looked at Beomgyu, mouth curved upwards in a sad smile. “And I thought I stopped. The problem is, I wonder if I ever actually did stop loving you.”

Beomgyu’s mouth opened and closed. There was nothing he could think of to say, shock rendering his thought process completely immobile. Yeonjun had loved him before he’d hit 20. Wasn’t that supposed to be impossible? The whole point of the tattoo was to give you a clear idea of what that emotion felt like, to let you know with certainty that what you felt towards your soulmate was love and nothing less. But Yeonjun never got his tattoo. 

Yeonjun had never acted any different than how he always did. Beomgyu never would’ve known, never in a million years would have imagined a scenario like this play out. With Yeonjun’s eyes on his, expecting something Beomgyu had no idea how to fulfil, the younger could only remain speechless.

The smile slipped off Yeonjun’s face when Beomgyu didn’t react.

“Gyu, I fucked up.” 

Fresh tears brimmed in his eyes as he reached to hold Beomgyu’s hands in his own, turning in his seat to face the younger. “I didn’t tell him that but I-I told him he wasn’t the one I loved. It’s not true. I think I love him too, but it’s... it’s not right. Something wasn’t right. But I’m supposed to be able to fix it, fuck, I was the one who told him I liked him in the first place. I said so many things I didn’t mean. I hurt him, Beomgyu. And for what?” Yeonjun’s voice rose higher and higher, cracking as the tears flowed down his cheeks. He was losing it, he wasn’t thinking straight but he wasn’t lying either. “I do love him, if I didn’t why would I be feeling like this? What am I saying? I don’t know what- Gyu, what am I even saying?”

Yeonjun snatched his hands away from where they had been holding on tight to Beomgyu’s. The consequences of what he’d said hit him right then and there and Beomgyu witnessed as panic unraveled in his glassy eyes. “I’m sorry, I- I have to go. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have- I’m sorry.”

Yeonjun got up to make for the door, but Beomgyu grabbed his hand pulling him back down. 

“You don’t have to go. Yeonjun, calm down. It’s okay.”

Tears streamed out of his already swollen eyes in rivulets, and Beomgyu’s heart broke in two. 

“It’s okay.” Beomgyu pulled him forward to embrace him in a hug, not unlike the hug they shared just a mere three days ago. He felt the energy sap out of Yeonjun’s body as he leaned further into Beomgyu’s comforting hold. He didn’t care that his sleeve was getting wet from all his tears. Pushing the ever-increasing tornado of thoughts in his mind away, he pulled free and gave Yeonjun the warmest smile he could muster. “Let’s sleep now.”

Half-lidded eyes weighed with both emotional and physical exhaustion, Yeonjun gave a slow nod and proceeded to melt under the covers. He was out the minute his head touched the pillows. 

Beomgyu sat there for a moment, hearing his best friend’s breathing gradually deepen. He wondered if he’d be able to remember everything he had said tonight. A huge part of Beomgyu hoped he wouldn’t but then again, he doubted if he himself would be able to allow everything to go back to normal knowing that his best friend for all his life was in love with him.

Or was he? Maybe he was mistaken. Maybe he got into a fight with Soobin and just jumped to conclusions. Even if he had liked him in that way, who’s to say it lasted this long? He could just be confused and drunk and all over place and drudging up old feelings to explain whatever he’d done to hurt Soobin.

Oh. Soobin. What the fuck happened between them?

The sudden ray of light from Yeonjun’s phone, thrown carelessly on the bed, brought Beomgyu out of his inner soliloquy. His eyes flitted over the notifications to find 19 unread messages and 3 missed calls. He reached over and quickly unlocked Yeonjun’s phone (of course they each had each other’s access).

**Soobinnie** : where are you?

junnie, please answer

come back home, we can talk 

yeonjun,,,,,, please

where the hell are you?? 

this is not okay, pls answer

**Me** : Soobin-hyung, hey. it’s beomgyu 

Yeonjun-hyung is with me. he’s fine.

he’s sleeping at my place tonight, don’t worry

**Soobinnie** : oh thank god. pls ask him to call me back when he wakes up okay?

**Me** : of course 

Of course Yeonjun was very far from fine, but Beomgyu decided it would be better if Soobin didn’t know that yet. Things have gotten so bad between the two. There was no way Beomgyu could do anything, let alone IF he should do anything, when he had no idea the scenarios that played out a mere few hours ago.

With a heavy sigh, Beomgyu got up from his seat, pulling a blanket over his best friend who was straight up knocked out cold. It was too late to organise the mess of conflicting emotions and thoughts that ran through him.

It didn’t take him long to slip into the blissful nothingness of sleep after dragging some sheets to the living room and crashing on his couch. Tomorrow was going to be one hell of a day, at least he should get as much sleep as he could to endure through it.

*****

“Hyuuung, what do you want for breakfa- oh.”

The way Beomgyu shot up from his sleeping position could’ve been almost comical if it wasn’t so painful. Sleeping on the couch had caused a major stiff neck, and the first word of Beomgyu’s day was something his mother wouldn’t have been proud of. 

“Ahh Taehyunnie, Yeonjun-hyung crashed at our place last night.” Beomgyu’s voice came out harsh and croaky, rubbing his sore neck as he slowly got to his feet. He walked towards where Taehyun was standing at the doorway of his room, staring down at the shock of blue hair still sound asleep on Beomgyu’s bed.

“Yes, I have eyes you know.” Beomgyu waited for the younger to say more, or at least ask how the hell Yeonjun had materialised in their place in the span of one night. But instead, Taehyun merely shrugged, repeating the question he meant to ask him in the first place.

“Uhh, pancakes.” Beomgyu mumbled, slightly puzzled. All the excuses he had pulled out of thin air in preparation for the upcoming interrogation he was so sure the maknae would pull on him were basically wasted. Oh well, that makes it easier. He relaxed ever so slightly.

As Taehyun ordered a delivery, Beomgyu made his way to the bathroom to wash up. 10 minutes later, he was back in his room, tugging on a shirt when he heard the rustle of his bed sheets. Yeonjun made a rather inhuman sound as he finally escaped the confines of sleep, somewhere between a pained groan and a wail. 

“There’s a cup of water and a painkiller on the desk, if you proceed to make ogre noises I will give you something a bit stronger.” Beomgyu called out without turning around, hoping his voice was as light-hearted as he had intended it to be.

“Where..? Wha- why am I here?” Yeonjun dragged himself into a sitting position, rubbing his eyes out with a pained expression on his face. Beomgyu felt sympathy for the older. Seeing how much he drank last night, the hangover must be catastrophic.

Beomgyu waited as the older took the pills, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable in his own room. He seemed to be doing a very poor job of hiding his anxiousness. Yeonjun locked gazes with him, even in his headache-inducinghangover, his eyes glistening with concern and curiosity.

“Gyu... what the fuck happened last night?”

Hope blossomed in the younger’s chest. “You don’t remember?”

“I- I don’t know. It hurts to think, god.” Yeonjun winced, bringing his hands up to massages his temples. “Geez, everything’s so blurry.” 

“You went out drinking again you, you dumbass. And so close to finals too. You’re taking the term living on the edge way too literally. Oh by the way, Soobin-hyung asked you to call him back-“

Big mistake. The air around them seemed to grow dense at the word _Soobin_. And Beomgyu watched as Yeonjun’s eyes widened, his memory of last night coming back together like puzzle pieces. He had no idea how much he remembered, but it was clearly enough to give way to the guilt and fear that pooled in his dark, deep irises.

“Hyung..?”

“I have to go.” Yeonjun got up, almost losing balance but catching himself just in time. He shook of the pounding of his head with a wince as he turned away from the younger. “Thanks for letting me stay the night, I appreciate it.”

“Yeonjun-hyung, whatever it is, you can talk to me. Please.” Beomgyu’s mind urged him to move forward, to stop Yeonjun from leaving but his feet just couldn’t move. 

In actuality, Beomgyu had no idea in the slightest what to say. He knew he would do anything to help his best friend, regardless of what he’d learnt last night, but he was scared of that small part of him. The part that sent jabs of jealousy running through him at the sight of his soulmate happy with him. The same part who craves this idealistic situation, for his feelings for Soobin were nearly as strong as his loyalty to Yeonjun.

It was because of that fear why Beomgyu let Yeonjun walk out the door. Straight past an open-mouthed Taehyun who had just received their food. Beomgyu stared as his back rounded the corner in a hurried rush, going god knows where. Yeonjun shot one more apologetic glance at him, a look that said he’d explain everything soon enough, before he disappeared out of view. 

More secrets and burdens seemed to stack up on Beomgyu’s shoulder day by day, bringing him down further and further into the dark, confusing pit he was stuck in. How long would he be able to stay standing before the weight of it all brought him crashing down? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m gonna start uni in 2 days >< ahh I really hope I’d be able to finish this chaptered fic by this year. I have a lot of one shot drafts I want to focus on toooooo~


	8. Acceptance

“What are we going to do with all these pancakes? I even bought EXTRA extra because you know how much that boy eats.”

Taehyun huffed in his seat across from Beomgyu, stacks and stacks of pancakes lain on the table between them. Honestly speaking, Taehyun went overkill with the order even with Yeonjun’s appetite in the picture. 

Beomgyu tried for a chuckle, the piece of pancake in his mouth feeling too sticky in his mouth, making it hard to swallow. There was really no point in pretending everything was fine. Taehyun hadn’t probed just yet but Beomgyu could tell the younger was carefully assessing the situation, deducting what information he could from what he’d seen. The younger was smart, Beomgyu wouldn’t be surprised if he’d figured out half of it. Behind the light-heartedness of his tone, his eyes were calculating.

Finally, he put his fork down and Beomgyu braved himself, proceeding to fix his gaze on his barely-touched plate of cold pancakes. 

“What are you thinking?”

“I honestly have no idea.”

“I’m probably not in a position to say anything but... I think he needs some time by himself to think everything through.” Beomgyu could practically feel Taehyun’s eyes burning holes into his head. “And you do, too.”

Beomgyu didn’t respond, picking at his sleeves in agitation. Yeonjun is his best friend, has always been from the very beginning. There had never been any doubt who and how much Yeonjun meant to him. He had never had to think of him as anything else. That is until now of course. Was there a chance that things would be like they were before those goddamn letters inked it’s way into his skin?Beomgyu pressed his thumb into his hipbone where they lay, feeling a flash of anger accompany the sharp jab of pain. How much easier would it be if he just never received a tattoo? 

Part of him wondered, if Yeonjun had just told him all those years ago, would they have gotten together? Would they have loved each other in a different way than they already did? But then, why _didn’t_ Yeonjun say anything? The only reason he even met Soobin in the first place was because of Yeonjun trying to find love somewhere else. The only reason he heard those words in the first place was because the boy who was in love with him decided to catch feelings with another who fate claimed to be his soulmate. 

Beomgyu struggles to stifle the manic cackle bubbling in his throat as he came to that conclusion. The universe truly was evil. Tearing away from him both the one person who has stood by his side throughout everything and the one person who has made him _feel_ something so intense and wonderful. And painful. His heart felt just as torn, pulsing individually in it’s million shattered pieces. Beomgyu was not a strong person. The cracks that had been slowly forming on his facade of normality finally gave way.

He couldn’t do it.

Taehyun was beside him, gently dabbing at his cheeks where tears had been flowing unbeknownst to him for god knows how long. Beomgyu finally looked at the younger, seeing his own sadness reflected in his larger eyes. 

“Lets take it easy today, okay hyung?” Words of comfort tumbled out of Taehyun’s mouth but they did nothing to tame the storm in both Beomgyu’s mind and heart. This feeling of helplessness, this inability to be there for his best friend, this cowardice in being unable to confront his feelings; it was almost suffocating. And here he was, crying, when there were two who were actually hurting.

“Taehyun, we need to talk to them, help them. You’ve seen it, right? Soobin and Yeonjun-hyung love each other, nothing is more obvious than that.“

“But Yeonjun-hyung loves you, too.”

“No, he can’t- wait... how do you-“

Taehyun’s voice was gentle, a sad smile on his lips. “The walls here aren’t that soundproof, you know.” He reached out to place a hand reassuringly on the older’s arm, pulling it away from where he was beginning to unravel the threads on the sleeves of his shirt. 

“Look, whatever’s been said cannot be unsaid. Yeonjun-hyung probably knows that now better than anyone. Still, he needs time to face it and go through it himself. If you go to him now, he’ll just run away and make things tougher than they need to be. And Soobin-hyung... I hope he is doing alright. I hope Kai is with him too. He’s definitely hurting but one thing I know for sure is that he won’t fault you, Gyu. So please, _please_ please don’t blame yourself in any way because I know that’s what your dumb ass is doing right now.”

“But he should.”

“No, he shouldn’t! Everything that has happened is out of your hands. You couldn’t have seen this coming, so how could you have done anything wrong?”

“I know, but that’s not why.... that’s not why I’m crying all over the kitchen counter like a-a-.” Beomgyu dug the heels of his palms into his eyes with a shuddering breath. 

“Hyun... I need to show you something.”

Beomgyu knew Taehyun could very well hate him now too, but the fear of that paled in comparison to the fact that this secret had been eating him up from the inside since the beginning, corroding his insides far too much to not make it visible from the out. 

Someone had to know. That’s what Beomgyu thought as he led Taehyun to the couch, sitting them both down to lift up the small patch of his shirt, the only flimsy little thing keeping shit from hitting the fan. His heart poundedpainfully against his ribs as he watched the younger scrutinise the small words woven into his skin. There was no turning back now.

Taehyun’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “I don’t understand. You told us you never got the tattoo..?”

“I lied. The first time I met Soobin was when Yeonjun-hyung confessed to him.”

Realisation dawned in Taehyun’s eyes and Beomgyu waited for it to give way to anger, annoyance, shame. Out of all his friends, he knew his roommate didn’t believe in soulmates, not in the slightest. He would probably think him so pathetic to allow such a thing to dictate what he feels. But Beomgyu was ready to accept whatever harshness he deserves and was sure to receive. Ready to receive anything, but the pity and sadness that bloomed instead. 

“Oh hyung.” Taehyun’s voice cracked between the two syllables. “It must’ve been so hard.”

It took that one sentence to push Beomgyu over the edge. A choked sobbing sound escaped his tight throat as Taehyun wrapped an arm around him, bringing his left hand up and using the sleeve to wipe at the onslaught of tears.

“Tae- I-... I-“ 

“Shhh, it’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. Just let it out, hyung.”

Pathetic. That is what the voice at the back of his head was screaming at him over and over again. It wasn’t loud enough to stop Beomgyu from pushing into Taehyun’s embrace though, allowing the younger to soothe him, rubbing a hand up and down his back in smooth, repetitive motions as he made the ugliest sounds possible. 

It was sort of ironic how his situation now paralleled the incidents of last night with Yeonjun. He wasn’t sure how long it took till he ran out of tears to cry but Taehyun stayed holding him all the same. Beomgyu cracked a half-hearted smile. 

“I half expected you to kick me out of the room.”

Taehyun pulled back with a puzzled expression. “Why’d you think that?”

“I don’t know.. I mean... don’t you think I’m being ridiculous or something? Liking someone I’ve known for less than 2 months? Complicating everything for everyone? Fooling myself into thinking I’m in love with him just because of some tattoo? You told me yourself that it doesn’t define anything. That destiny doesn’t... right?” Beomgyu’s voice came out hoarse and crackly from the emotional exertion but Taehyun understood him nonetheless.

The younger shook his head lightly with a sigh. “If you’ve fooled yourself into thinking you’re in love, then I suppose all those who’ve loved before are fools. Yes, I don’t believe in this bullshit soulmate thing, but I do believe in love. And trust me; no one hurts themselves this much over something that isn’t real.”

A silence fell over the both of them as Beomgyu gathered his thoughts. “Hyun, I- what the fuck do I do? About Yeonjun, about- what the fuck...”

“Like I said, just give it some time. I just... wish you could’ve told me sooner. Just how long do you plan to keep this inside?”

“As long as it would’ve taken for this goddamn feelings to go away I suppose.” Beomgyu groaned, sliding down against the couch and feeling like all his energy had been sucked out from the very core of his being. “I hate this, can I just... not feel?”

Taehyun let out a soft chuckle as he got up to put away all the pancakes that would probably be feeding them for the next 5 days. “That would make everything easier, wouldn’t it? But imagine living in a world where we don’t; sounds pretty boring to me.”

The younger circled back around the Beomgyu, tugging at his arms to pull him upright. His large eyes seemed to pierce into Beomgyu’s very soul with how serious they got. 

“Hyung, things will get better. It always does, but it will take time. Give them time, but more importantly, give _yourself_ time. I can’t tell you it’s going to be easy, but please, talk to me whenever your heart gets too heavy to stand on it’s own. Allow yourself to feel sad for all you’ve been doing up to now is bottling it in, letting it fester with no outlet. It might seem best in the moment, but emotions, feelings.... things like that don’t develop well when kept inside. I’m not going to tell you I understand what you’re feeling, it kills me to know that this had been going on for so long without anyone knowing.But I’m here for you now, and I promise you, whatever that’s been said within this room will not be repeated outside. I can assure you on that, hyung.”

Beomgyu wondered what sort of things Taehyun had been through for him to know all of this. “Of course, I trust you. Thank you, Tyun. I look like a wet garbage sock right now but thank you for... accepting me? Yeah I don’t know, thank you for being so hecking nice to me I guess.” Beomgyu wanted to say a lot more but somehow his body had managed to produce even more hydration and he felt the pricks of fresh tears burn ferociously behind his eyelids yet again. God, he was so soppy. “Really, thank you.”

Taehyun scoffed, waving the older away. “I have to put up with your annoying ass everyday. I’m obliged to eventually like you enough to call you one of my bestest, most amazing friends ever. To hell if I ever see you hurt yourself again, not under this household.”

Beomgyu turned away with embarrassment, weakly punching Taehyun in the arm. “Fine. I’m hungry now though, can you take the pancakes out again?”

Taehyun made a face at the older, barely able to suppress the smile of relief from hearing Beomgyu somewhat returned to his senses. The weight of dread and unrequited feelings was still there, but at least it no longer felt like a constant pressure of tendrils wrapping itself around his heart, pulling it down deeper. Taehyun helped. A lot.

The friends Beomgyu had now were irreplaceable and that’s an irrefutable fact. He loved all of them, which is the reason why the thought of ever losing them scared him even more than the thought of losing himself. He couldn’t bear to think about Yeonjun or Soobin right now, nor the thought that things might not ever be the same again. He couldn’t bear to wonder about what-ifs and his regrets. Like Taehyun said, there was simply nothing he could do now. So he lay back and turned the TV on, allowing its mindless content to fill his brain.

*****

Beomgyu didn’t see either one his hyungs for the next week. He kept himself constantly occupied with studying, gaming, playing his guitar; anything to refrain himself from being alone with his own thoughts. Yet, it always hit him late at night. 

He wanted, more than anything in the world, to talk to Yeonjun. And it was always the half-asleep memories of their deepest, most unforgettable moments flooding into his mind at 2am in the morning. 

He missed him.

Beomgyu missed him so much, he couldn’t imagine living without him as his best friend. They had always been together. Even when they fought the worst fights, the two would eventually find themselves sitting under a lonely tree somewhere, eating instant ramyeon and teokbeokki from the local convenience store while they reconciled and laughed over how dumb they were to fight in the first place. There had never been a moment in his life where Yeonjun wasn’t merely a few steps away from him. The older, regardless of all his flaws and imperfections, had always occupied a big part of his life. Someone Beomgyu knew, without a single doubt in his mind, would always be there for him. A constant. Beomgyu knew Yeonjun would be there as sure as he knew the sun would rise the next morning. 

It would simply feel incomplete without the presence of a certain too loud, spontaneous boy who pretty much deserved the entire universe.

“Just call me, text me.... one word is all it takes. Please, Junnie....” Beomgyu whispered brokenly into his sheets as he stared at the caller dial on his phone screen. There were many times his fingers found themselves millimetres from pressing that button, but Taehyun’s words rang in his head reminding him. The last thing he wanted to do was to push his hyung even farther away from him. There really was nothing else he could do for now.

But knowing that didn’t mean it hurt any less.

“We haven’t got the chance to hang out yet. Soobin-hyung says he’s busy, but I know better. Things are so weird these days. Hyung is- well, lets just say he isn’t exactly having the best of times.”

Beomgyu held onto the cup of latte in front of him, twirling the straw absent-mindedly as he listened to Kai. Beomgyu had intended to go out for lunch but before he realised it, his feet had taken him to Moa Cafe. Seeing the maknae’s face light up as he spotted him from across the cashier reminded Beomgyu of how much he actually missed the messy-haired rascal. He had tried for a casual conversation at first but it quickly diverted onto the topic of Yeonjun and Soobin.

“I can guess Yeonjun-hyung isn’t holding up too well either, huh?”

Beomgyu stiffened before nodding curtly. “To be honest, he hasn’t really been talking to me. So uhhh, I don’t entirely know what’s going on.”

Kai let out a heavy sigh, leaning forward to rest his head on his hand. The cafe was pretty quiet this time, allowing the younger to slack off from work just for a bit. “Hyung, forgive me for saying this but if they don’t get back together again, not saying that they won’t but, you know, IF... would it stay like how it is now? Are we just, _not_ going to hang out together anymore? That’s it?”

“I know no better than you, Ningning.”

“That really sucks then. Can’t I just sit their asses down and make them solve their problems right then and there? I swear, I can give them couples therapy.” 

Beomgyu half-heartedly chuckled. The ice in his latte had almost completely melted, the layer of water threatening to spill over his untouched drink. “It’s not that simple.” 

Of course if wasn’t. Kai had no idea the true reason why their relationship had reached a point where they couldn’t even speak to each other anymore. “When a person falls in love, they’ve basically opened up their heart to the other. They have to if they ever wish their love to be returned. Love isn’t always a two-way street though. If it isn’t reciprocated, that same doorway that you’ve allowed your heart to open up brings in a lot of other emotions that really messes with you instead. The one you love becomes your everything, they are as much a reason you smile as they are the reason you hurt. That’s why it always feels like falling in love is the easiest thing to do, yet the most complex emotion to feel.”

“Woah.” Beomgyu jolted out of his monologue, feeling heat rush to his face when he realised what he’d just ranted about. Kai was looking at him with some sort of wonder in his eyes. “It sounds like you know what it feels like.”

Beomgyu shook his head vigorously. “No, no, no! I read this somewhere in some book, that’s all.”

“You’d definitely make a much better couple therapist than me then.”

“I suppose.” Beomgyu averted his gaze from Kai’s, deciding he probably should go now. Images of soft dimples and eye smiles were beginning to clog his mind. How could he allow himself to indulge in his feelings towards that boy _now_? He had done such a good job _not_ thinking about him for the past week too.

“Your coworker is giving you dagger stares, you should get back to your shift. I’ll see you around, okay?”

Kai’s face visibly fell but he bid farewell to Beomgyu anyway. Beomgyu knew the younger was a lot more upset and confused than he let on. Beomgyu was probably the first friendly face Kai saw since the incident that forced them apart. It hit him how mature Kai actually was, being able to understand why his own best friend was pulling himself away from everyone. Kai was a pretty amazing friend too. But just like him, the younger was itching to file for an intervention. And maybe it’s about time they did so. What if things really were going to stay as it is? Is there truly nothing any of them could do? But even if they did solve this, how would their dynamic have changed from the night Yeonjun spilled everything to him in his drunken haze? 

Beomgyu stepped out of the cafe, immediately pulling his coat closer to his body as the gushes of cold wind blew past him. The weather seemed to imitate his mood with its dark, low-hanging clouds and ominous chill. Weirdly, it made Beomgyu feel a bit better; the fact that even the world could mope alongside him. 

_Beomie_.

He thought of the older boy (had been thinking about him anyway ever since the whole stupid speech of his feelings that he’d blurted out) and wondered what he was doing now. Is he as messed up as Yeonjun? Or worse. Or is he already trying to move on from him? Beomgyu tried his best to crush the small voice that told him he has a chance now for how could he, in any way, get together with the person who dated his best friend? A person his best friend so obviously loves. That just wasn’t right. Especially after knowing the things he knew now.

“ _Beomgyu_.”

Maybe he should drink. Yeonjun said it helped forgetting certain things, even if it was only temporary. Taehyun would be so disappointed in him but hey, he needed to do something to get rid of the boy who was living in his mind rent-free. 

“Beomie.”

Great, now he was hearing his voice.

“YA, CHOI BEOMGYU!!”

Beomgyu whipped around on his feet so fast, he tunnel-visioned for a second. He watched with wide eyes and a pounding heart as the taller boy stumbled to a stop from his run, bending down to rest his hands on his knees as he caught his breath.

“God, not only are you as deaf as a buffalo, you also walk extremely fast? Is there somewhere you have to be?”

Beomgyu’s ability of speech seemed to have conveniently disappeared. He could only stand in stunned silence as Soobin straightened up, running a hand through his hair to push it out of his eyes and consecutively succeeding in making Beomgyu’s heart do a triple somersault.

“Beomie?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO, NO I HAVENT FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS!! Things seem to be getting busier and more hectic>< but I received so many nice comments, they really brighten up my day and boost my motivation to keep this going ♡ 
> 
> thank you for staying with this fic even with the really slow progress T^T it means so much to me


	9. Confrontation

“Is everything alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” 

“W-well, I might as well have. It’s been... forever, hyung.” 

Although the younger didn’t exactly return a smile, Soobin noticed the way Beomgyu visibly relax with the colour returning to his face. He took that as an invitation to take a few more steps closer. Beomgyu had always seemed small but now, huddled in the layers of puffy attire to stave off the cold, he looked impossibly tiny. The shawl he had wrapped around his neck had been brought up so high. Soobin couldn’t see anything below his large, surprised eyes.

“I know. Things have been crazy, huh? I’m glad I managed to bump into you.” 

Soobin rubbed the back of his neck, feeling a stab of guilt knowing a large part of that was his fault. Beomgyu didn’t exactly look that happy to see him, more like stunned really, but Soobin couldn’t blame him for it. These past few days have been tough on all of them.

“Do you wanna get some drinks? Catch up?”

“I actually, umm, just came from Moa Cafe. Kai is still on shift I think.”

“Ah, I see.”

Come on, Soobin, say something. 

But nothing came to mind and Soobin felt the beginnings of panic as the silence stretched into something so awkwardly suffocating. The two of them just staring at each other a little ways apart, waiting for someone to diffuse the silent tension so they could move _somewhere_. Soobin absolutely hated this situation. He was an introvert at best. Heck, if it had been anyone else but Beomgyu, Soobin would’ve long ago walked away before things got weird. 

But this _was_ Beomgyu.

So Soobin stood there, shuffling his feet with agitation as his mind raced to find something _anything_ , to be able to keep the conversation alive. His mind failed him.

“Well uhhh, it was great to see you, hyung. We should meet and catch up some time soon, okay? I’ll see you around.”

“Y-yeah, okay. See you.” Soobin watched with a sinking heart as the younger turned away from him and began trudging back down the path.

Typical Soobin; always unable to find the right words to say to make them stay. 

This was the part where he turned around and went home, probably never getting the chance to see the rest again and leaving it up to someone else to fix his issues. A part he’d done many times because Soobin was scared. Scared he’ll mess up if he thought what was right all along turned out to be wrong. Scared to do something that’ll fuck things up even more.

But right now, he was more scared of what would happen if he didn’t try. 

“Hey, Beomie.” Soobin jogged up to Beomgyu’s side, eliciting a flinch from the latter. “I’m going the same way, let’s walk together. If you don’t mind, of course.”

“Y-yeah, I mean, no; I don’t mind.” 

It was hard for Soobin to gage Beomgyu’s expressions, what with his face all covered up in the shawl. He really did look so small and Soobin had the sudden urge to bundle up next to him in an attempt to protect him even more from the harsh cold. An urge he quickly shut down, inching a bit further away from the younger to create a distance he didn’t actually want but knew he needed.

He needed to say something though. The tension from earlier still lingered in the air and Beomgyu didn’t seem like he was going to do anything to change that. Soobin was never one to strike up conversation or ignite social intereactions, even in their close friend circle. Usually, it was Yeonjun and Beomgyu. Unfortunately, both pretty much seemed to hate his guts right now. Again, Soobin couldn’t blame them.

“So, how’s things going? Is school still being an ass to you?”

“When has it ever not? Finals should be coming up really soon.”

“Oh, same. I’m losing so much sleep over it.”

Beomgyu mumbled something under his breath, the strong wind plus his shawl making it indecipherable. Soobin could tell the air around them was thick with more than the humid density of oncoming snow.

“Sorry, what was that?”

The younger stopped in his tracks and turned around to face Soobin. “I asked, is that ALL you’re losing sleep over? How are you like this? How can you act like everything is fine, when Yeonjun- How are you _okay_?”

What a surprise; Soobin did the wrong thing yet again. He looked away, too ashamed to meet the younger’s blazing eyes. He had every right to scream at him. Soobin wondered if there was a single thing he’d ever done in his life that had led to something good before. 

_“Do you mind if I sit here?”_

_Soobin looked up at the boy, books in his arms arranged in a haphazard mess threatening to tip over at any moment. He should probably lay it down on the table before the laws of gravity brought it all crashing down, but Soobin didn’t seem to be able to say anything._

_“Umm, hello? Earth to random cute stranger.”_

_“Huh-? Oh, oh yeah sure. I don’t mind.” Soobin melted behind his books, using it as a shield to hide how ridiculously red he had gotten. The other boy didn’t seem to pay much attention though, which surprised Soobin._

_Did he not realise he had just met his soulmate? Or maybe the reaction he had expected someone to show after they meet their soulmate wasn’t as exaggerated as he had always dreamed._

_Or maybe this was all just a big coincidence. After all, ‘do you mind if I sit here?’ was not an uncommon phrase._

_Peeping over the top of his books, he looked at the other boy properly, scanning the sharp angles of his face and the way his black hair seemed messy in all the right ways. It wasn’t just the fact that he was really handsome, it was also the way charisma and confidence seemed to radiate off him like heat waves. So unlike Soobin that it suddenly seemed more likely that this probably was all a big coincidence. Someone like that couldn’t possibly be his soulmate._

_Suddenly, the boy’s hand dashed underneath the table, emerging once more with a snack cookie clutched in it. Giving one quick look around with his eyes, the boy shoved the snack into his mouth and returned to looking at his book as if he didn’t just break one of the library‘s biggest rules._

_Then, he whipped around to make eye contact with Soobin just as fast as he had shoved that cookie in his mouth. “Oh, do you want one?” He whispered at him, leaning forward so Soobin could hear._

_Soobin was way too flustered to say anything coherent so the boy took it upon himself to lean forward and drop a cookie into Soobin’s gaping mouth. Of course, this resulted in Soobin turning into an even redder, hot mess of bewilderment and tummy butterflies._

_The boy burst into laughter at his reaction, earning several warning stares from the occupants of be library. Soobin could only look back at him, mouth still full of cookie, and think that his laugh was the most gorgeous thing he’d heard all day. Later on, he learnt that the boy’s name was Yeonjun._

Five months. It had taken Yeonjun five months of trying to find Soobin every chance he got and show him all the brighter parts of life. One month to get him out of his shell. Two to make Soobin believe that someone like him actually wanted to be friends with him. Five months of Soobin not understanding why he would want to even talk with someone like him. But he grew to become comfortable with him. He told him things he’d only ever told Kai before and felt things he thought only existed in storybooks. Yeonjun made Soobin a better person, the confidence he carried around seeming to rub off onto Soobin and give him courage he would’ve never had before. 

And when Yeonjun confessed his feelings for him, Soobin would never forget the way his face lit up as if a thousand rays of soft sun rays danced upon it when he replied back with “I like you too.” 

Never in those five months and beyond did Soobin tell Yeonjun that he probably _was_ his soulmate. Soobin realised it didn’t matter whether he was or not, or whether Yeonjun did have a tattoo or not, because he would’ve loved him all the same. It had felt so natural to grow to love him and the last thing Soobin wanted to admit was that it was because of some flimsy words that had formed on his chest a year ago. Things were beautiful and Soobin had always thought it’d be beautiful.

Then he met someone just as beautiful. And his heart told him there was a reason why it pounded harder when he was around while his head screamed at him to stop being an idiot because he already had the most perfect human loving him. It was unfair to Yeonjun and definitely unfair to him. Yet, his heart still whispered of it’s incompletion.

It wasn’t long before things fell apart. Small issues became 100 times more prominent than was necessary. Apologies were harder to come by and words always seemed to be stuck down Soobin’s throat, choking him constantly but unable to come out. Soobin didn’t know much about love, but anyone would know the harsh words exchanged between them and the exasperated tears of frustration every few days were not part of the equation.

“Beomgyu.” Soobin’s voice was feathery thin. Underneath the clothes he wore, Soobin was shaking from fear. He needed to try again. He could once again make everything worse, but maybe, just maybe, telling the younger would open up a way to fix the shit he’d gotten them all in. “Can- I-... I want to talk... with you.”

Beomgyu’s eyes softened and filled with regret as he shook his head. “I’m sorry, hyung. That was unfair of me.”

“No, it’s okay. I understand, I’m being stupid. But just... hear me out, okay?” Soobin gravitated towards a lonesome bench a little ways from the pavement, motioning for Beomgyu to come. It sat in between a couple buildings, the walls at least helping to cut off the sharp, cold stabs of the wind. The more the seconds flew by, the more certain he was of his decision to tell Beomgyu, well, everything.

The younger hesitated, but came forward anyway, gingerly taking a seat beside Soobin. More long moments of silence passed as Soobin struggled to pick a place to start. 

“Has Yeonjun-hyung spoken to you?”

“No, not since that day. I just hope he’s safe.” Beomgyu’s facade seemed to be cracking with the mention of Yeonjun, his voice giving way to how exhausted he really was. Soobin wished to comfort him but he was practically the last person Beomgyu would’ve wanted to be comforted by.

“He’s- umm, he’s holed up in his room. I promise he’s not pulling stunts like that anymore. Look-“

“Hyung, are you okay?”

That was Soobin’s line. How could Beomgyu care for him even now? When he’s messed things up for everyone. 

“He told me what he said to you. And when I said it was unfair of me to blow up like that, it really was. I’m sorry, it must’ve hurt.”

Soobin fought to push back the oncoming burn of tears. How unfair. He wasn’t the one that needed to be comforted. 

“No, it’s... god I love him. I love Yeonjun so much. How... how could things have turned out this way?”

Deep down, Soobin indirectly knew. For even now, trying to find solutions to fix his relationship with Yeonjun, his heart pounded for the boy beside him. 

“He is my soulmate. I know that now. But would telling him that make any difference? How could this one single word, this term, be enough to fix this? No, it’s more than that. There has to be more-“  
  


If Soobin had paid more attention, he would’ve noticed the shock and pain that blatantly 

flashed across Beomgyu’s face. The way colour left his cheeks making his face turn as grey as the snow that had begun to fall around them as he realised what Soobin was telling him. 

“Yeonjun-hyung is your soulmate?” 

“Ah, yeah.. I guess I’ve never told anyone that. I just didn’t think it was that big of a deal because my feelings for him never depended on that. Even if he wasn’t, I would’ve still said yes. Maybe that’s where I messed up..”

Beomgyu could feel himself dissociating from Soobin’s words and as much as he tried, the emotions and thoughts that tore through his mind were a tide too strong to halt. If Yeonjun had always been Soobin’s soulmate, then who was he? Some fluke the stars forgot to pair off with someone else? A mistake of nature, just placed there to wreck what Yeonjun and Soobin had? To be an obstacle that would eventually get tossed aside because he never belonged to anyone in the first place. 

Beomgyu could handle shutting his feelings away for the sake of the two people he cared most about. But now? Knowing all he had done to this point was ruin them instead and for what? 

Spiralling, Beomgyu did not hear anything Soobin said after that; but he’d heard enough. _“...my feelings for him never depended on that.”_ And it shouldn’t, so how could Beomgyu ever say that his feelings _did_? How could he even sit there and let Soobin find solace in him when Beomgyu’s entire existence goes against that very solace? 

  
The more he thought about it, the more he realised all he’d really done till now was suffer and bring everyone else down with him. If only he’d been stronger. If only he was able to be a good friend. But ‘if onlys’ were useless now. And even with all these thoughts rushing through his head, Beomgyu wasn’t able to be strong even now.

The next thing he knew, he was running. He should’ve known the mask he’d tried so hard to put up was on the brink of breaking. He should’ve said he was busy and walked away. He should’ve ran much earlier.

A hand clasped around his wrist, jerking him back. “Beomie, _please_. Don’t go.” 

Beomgyu tore his hand away out of Soobin’s grasp without turning around; he couldn’t bear to see the look of hurt on the older’s face. And then he took off. Running away as fast as he could, away from the person he kept hurting.

The streets were empty as the snow fell in bigger clumps. There seemed to be a massive drop in temperature but Beomgyu barely felt it, speeding through alleyways with tears burning in his eyes, clouding his vision. 

He didn’t know how long it took, but the adrenaline wore off. The pain kicked in, stopping his legs in motion and bringing him crashing to the ground. The snow was barely high enough to dampen his fall and his hands stung as they hit the hard pavement. He lay there for a while. He could feel the weight of the snow as it gathered on his hair and in between the nooks and crevices of his clothes. 

He didn’t cry though, almost as if the tears from earlier had frozen in place. He wished the cold could freeze his heart too so he didn’t have to feel it pump it’s sadness throughout the rest of his body. 

Eventually, Beomgyu got up. He looked around and numbly realised he didn’t know where the hell he was. The sun had just set and with a heavy sigh, Beomgyu whipped his phone out, registering the dozens of miscalls, and dialledthe only number he could think to call.

“Taehyun..”

“Hyung, where are you?! Don’t tell me you’re still outside.”

“To be honest, I don’t even know. I... wound up somewhere.”

“God, hyung. Just drop your location. I’ll be there.”

Beomgyu sluggishly moved to the closest bench and sat down. After the tornado of emotions, his mind was now void of thoughts. The only thing he really felt was the throbbing pain in his legs and chest and the cold finally sinking in. 

By the time the car arrived, spotlights blinding Beomgyu after being encased for so long in the dark, the chill had settled deep into his bones making it hard to move. Taehyun burst out of the back door, his face the epitome of worry as he caught sight of the older.

Beomgyu forced himself to get up, his bones popping with a dull pain. He could finally go home, wrap himself up in the warmth of his sheets and sorrows and fall into the blissful nothingness of sleep. His relief was short-lived though.

Ducking out of the driver’s seat was the last person he wanted to see. 

Beomgyu whipped towards Taehyun in disbelief. “Tyun, why-“

“Hear me out; first off, Soobin-hyung was the one who called me, okay? And second, I don’t have a car.”

Soobin stepped forward sheepishly, but Beomgyu took a step back. He couldn’t afford to lose control over himself like that again. Not now, when everything was so fragile. He should’ve known something was up with Taehyun on that call. He should’ve called someone else like.... Kai, who was still on shift? Yeonjun, who he hasn’t talked to for days on end?

“Hyung, let’s go home first. Then we can talk it out.”

“I don’t want to talk about anything.”

“Beomie-“

“Please don’t call me that.” Beomgyu refused to look directly at Soobin, fixing his gaze instead on Taehyun’s shoes that have gradually made its way closer to Beomgyu’s position. “Just... don’t.”

“You’re going to fall sick if you stay out here any longer. You need to come home, hyung.”

“Beomgyu, listen to Taehyun. I know I messed up but there must be some way around this. Look, I-I understand what you’re going through, but if you could just listen-“

“You what?” Panic spiked within Beomgyu as he turned to glare at Taehyun. “What did you tell him?”

“He deserves to know, Gyu. If you could just come home, we can explain.”

“No!” His emotions were surging again, messing with his head to the point where he didn’t know what he really was thinking anymore. But one emotion seemed to be taking over; anger. Anger towards Taehyun for breaking the promise he had made barely more than 2 weeks ago, but really, it was anger towards himself. “I trusted you, you told me you wouldn’t say anything. You _promised_ me.”

“Calm down. I know what I said but if you could just listen-“

“You fucking lied to me. What am I supposed to do?! Why’d you even come back for me at all?!” Beomgyu was losing it, but he didn’t care anymore. His secret was out. Months of trying so hard to make sure things stayed normal. Months of smiling even though his heart was ripping up from the inside out because he wanted everyone else to be happy. But he failed. Failed so fucking miserably and now he had nothing left.

“I don’t deserve this. I’m sorry, I’m a horrible person. Just go. I swear I’ll be out of your lives soon enough and everything can go back to normal. Please just leave me alone and go, I don’t deserve to be with any of you. Hate me all you want, that’s what I deserve.”

“Fucking hell, Beomgyu, you’re not a horrible person. Can’t you just LISTEN-“ Beomgyu shook off the hand Taehyun had used to grasp his shoulder.

“No! YOU listen to ME.” Beomgyu looked at Soobin for the first time since he got there. There was pain in his eyes that didn’t belong there. That pain should’ve been Beomgyu’s alone. 

“Don’t you understand?! I’M the reason why we’re in this mess. I can’t control my own feelings and I can’t even be there for my own fucking best friend. What kind of person can’t be happy for their own friends? Do you know the sort of thoughts that go through my head when I see you two together? Do you know the things I’ve wished for? I’ve lied and hated and betrayed.” Beomgyu’s voice steadily got louder as he reached his breaking point for the second time that night except now, there was no going back. “I’ve ruined everything. All I’ve done is make things worse from the very beginning, and now Yeonjun thinks he’s in love with me and I’m in fucking love with-“ 

Beomgyu choked, unable to finish the sentence. The pain in his chest threatened to take him back down to the ground and he felt his knees going weak. He wanted them to walk away from him. They must hate him, why wouldn’t they? Why can’t they see that he doesn’t belong with them, that he doesn’t deserve to be their friend? 

“Just go away.” Beomgyu whispered to the ground. Silence. The snow had buried his shoes, making them uncomfortably damp and cold but that was the least of his concerns. 

“I said go away! JUST FUCKING LEAVE-“

Then, there was warmth. Warmth spread throughout his shaking body, originating from the pair of strong arms wrapped around Beomgyu, holding him tight. Warmth that started from within rather than from outside. Warmth of Soobin’s face pressed against Beomgyu’s shoulder as he whispered the following words.

“I am not leaving you, Beomie. I’m never going to leave you.” Soobin mumbled into the younger’s clothes. “It’s okay. I’m telling you; we’re okay.”

They weren’t okay, far from it really. But right then, in that moment, they both needed to know that everything really was alright, even if for just a moment. 

Beomgyu held Soobin back tighter, closing his eyes and relishing in finally being able to hold his soulmate like this. The older’s warmth spread to his heart and Beomgyu felt the first of his tears roll down his face, as if Soobin had unfroze them. If he could have asked one thing of the universe then, Beomgyu would’ve asked it to freeze time itself. He wanted to stay there forever, wrapped in Soobin’s bubble of heat, away from the rest of the world and forgetting the pain he’d grown accustomed to feeling. 

But Beomgyu knew better than to hope for anything from the universe.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to make up for the exceptionally long wait, I made this chapter a bit longer than usual >~< we’re reaching the end luvs, thanks for staying with this ♡
> 
> ALSO TXTS COMEBACK WAS INSAAAANEEE, I loved every single thing about it. everyone please keep streaming and collecting votes; our boys deserve a whole ass daesang hhhh-  
> what was your favourite track in the album? all of them were exceptional but ghosting sends me to a whole other dimension ㅇㅅㅇ


	10. End

The weak, afternoon sun that filtered in through Beomgyu’s window felt more like piercing rays of light trying to burn holes through his eyelids. With a groan, Beomgyu stiffly pulled his blanket over his head but it was too late; he was too awake now to fall back into another fitful bout of sleep. It was uncomfortable but he’d rather take that over the heavy pressure in his head and the throbbing ache in his legs. He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised he’d caught such a horrible cold considering he had been in the snow for a solid 30 minutes the night before.

With another heavy groan, Beomgyu propped himself into a sitting position with some difficulty. Opening his eyes was painful but necessary to find a new batch of tissues to stuff up his nose with. His head rested slack against his headboard, far too heavy for Beomgyu to support it by himself.

“Ah, you’re awake. How are you feeling?” 

Beomgyu managed a weak “mnnn” in reply as Taehyun pushed a glass of warm water in his hand. The liquid felt slimy as it sloshed down his throat but at least it alleviated the soreness. 

It took a while, but the events of last night finally processed in his sleep-hazed brain. The moment when Soobin had to let go of him, guiding him back into the car where Taehyun stayed pressed up to him in the back seat for body warmth. He slept that car ride back. But he didn’t remember waking up to get to his dorm. His heart thumped hard at the thought of someone having to carry him back, and though Taehyun had been working out lately, he doubted the younger would’ve been willing to do so. Which means-

“Hey Tyun, is it alright if I- oh, you’re awake.”

Soobin took a step forward and then another half-step back, unsure how to go about this situation. Beomgyu too felt like running straight out of there. He was far too exhausted to deal with anymore emotional strain but it seemed inevitable. 

“Are you okay? Wait, don’t answer that; of course you’re not okay. You look like shit- I MEAN NO, only because you’re sick and all that you never look bad I mean, even now you don’t look that bad, it’s just I-“

“Soobin-hyung, calm down.” Taehyun quickly intervened with a pointed look.

“Right... I’m sorry.”

The piercing ding of the doorbell saved Soobin from saying anything more. With a confused look, Taehyun made to get up but the older gestured for him to sit back down.

“I’m closer to the door anyway, I’ll get it.”

As the sound of Soobin’s footsteps receded, Beomgyu turned to his roommate. “I’m sorry for yelling at you like that. I guess I was just... scared.”

“Yeah, you should be sorry. You didn’t even let me say a word.” Taehyun scoffed, but his tone was light as he placed a gentle hand on Beomgyu’s arm. “But in all seriousness, I didn’t intend to betray you or anything of the sort but it’s really for the best that Soobin-hyung knows. I’ll- _he_ will explain soon enough.”

Beomgyu nodded uncertainly. He still did not know how much exactly Soobin knows but if Taehyun had that much faith in him, Beomgyu supposed he could afford to relax just a little bit.

The thud of the front door banging into the wall was the sound to finally make the two of them realise the steady rising of angry voices coming from the hall. 

“The fuck is going on..” Taehyun jumped to his feet, his eyebrows knotted in concern as he dashed out the door. Curiosity piqued, Beomgyu swung his legs over the bed and heaved himself up as well, wincing at the stabs of pain that ravaged through his head and body. Ignoring the steady throbs, he stumbled over right behind Taehyun, eyes widening with surprise at the scene that greeted him.

A meek Huening Kai looking helpless between Soobin who glared furiously at an equally furious Yeonjun. Kai looked relieved at the sight of Taehyun but the older boys didn’t even seem to realise their presence.

“You know, I was ready to apologise but you never seem to want to listen, do you?” Soobin practically hissed at the older. Beomgyu recoiled from the unfamiliar hostility that radiated off the usually soft boy. He’d never thought he could be capable of such a tone yet Yeonjun didn’t even seem to flinch.

“What about _you_ listen to _me_? It’s always been about you and your pity party but do you ever think of someone other than yourself?”

“Hyung!” Kai gasped as hurt flashed in Soobin’s eyes though it was quickly replaced by anger. 

“You dare say that when you I’m not even the one you love anymore. What are you- what are WE even doing right now? How many times have we had this conversation already? It never leads us anywhere.” Soobin yelled back, a sound Beomgyu had never heard before.

“How could you say that? You think I don’t notice when you distance yourself from me? God, Soobin, I want to try to make this work, I really do. But you’re making it so hard.”

“Hard? If it’s that hard, then maybe we don’t love each other anymore.”

That was it. A shock went through the entire room as the gravity of that one sentence sunk in. The tipping point, the point where there’s no coming back from. Beomgyu wondered just how many times the two in front of him had reached that point. 

Taehyun stepped forward to intervene but Beomgyu felt frozen in his place, leaning heavily against the wall of the corridor to his room as he fought the nausea that was threatening to overwhelm him from standing up too long. He had seen the both of them at their weakest points, guilt-ridden and desperate to change things. But the Yeonjun and Soobin that stood in front of him were not those same boys at all. What changed? How was it even possible to show such hate when they so clearly loved each other in solitude? 

“Guys, please. Yeonjun-hyung, you came here to see Beomgyu, didn’t you?” Taehyun, ever so brave, did not back down even the slightest as Yeonjun turned his glare onto the younger.

“And you called me here knowing he would be here?”

“I needed you to send me here. It’s not just Taehyun who knew.” Kai meekly piped in.

“And what? If you knew you wouldn’t have come? Is me being here so bad you wouldn’t even visit your best friend?” Soobin did not seem to realise the person he was talking about was standing right there but at this point, no one else seemed to either. A prick of frustration went through Beomgyu.

He finally pushed himself off the wall, ignoring the rising feeling of puke as he shuffled towards them. “Soobin-hyung, please-“

“Well I’m here now and look at where we are. I’m sure he’d really appreciate us both being here, huh?”

“Yeonjun-“

“Fine. I’ll leave then.”

“No, wait. Lets all calm down and-“ Taehyun tried but Yeonjun cut in, too fired up to think properly.

“Let him leave. It’s what he’s best at anyway.”

With that, Soobin turned around, ready to leave through the still open door. So Beomgyu leapt into action knowing that if he left now, he might not ever come back. And even after everything that has been said, even if he still loved him, he never wanted to lose his friends. 

Lunging forward, he took the last two steps to grab at Soobin’s arm with both his hands. Tightening his grip, he leaned heavily against the shocked older boy and opened his mouth to say something.

Only for puke to come pouring out instead. 

Soobin let out an inhumane shriek as the others recoiled as far as they could to the furthermost corners of the room, eyes widening in surprise. Yeonjun was physically preventing himself from gagging.

Beomgyu waited for the yelling to subside before letting out a heavy sigh. “Did it really have to take me puking my guts out to get you children to stop fighting?”

Silence.

And then a single, loud guffaw broke out, echoing around the 5 boys. Kai slapped a hand over his mouth before any more laughter could escape him. But then Taehyun cracked up, doubling over without restraint, his outburst of laughter causing Kai to lose it too. 

Though Soobin still stood aghast with disgust (granted it wasn’t much that Beomgyu threw up since he barely ate anything for the past 15 hours but still gross nonetheless), even Yeonjun couldn’t help but to break into a smile from the absurdity of it all. 

*****

“It won’t happen again, Tyun.” Beomgyu attempted to push the plastic bag back to his roommate but Taehyun firmly shook his head.

“There’s no way I’m allowing even the slightest chance for me to clean up your vomit again. Keep it or I’m confining you to the bathroom for the rest of the day.”

Beomgyu shuddered with that threat, clutching the plastic bag close. After the whole eruption of a fight happened, the space seemed oddly quiet. Soobin had immediately asked to take a shower which was only right. The poor boy looked traumatised and though it had taken Beomgyu’s less-than-sanitary approach to alleviate the situation, Beomgyu still mentally face palms himself for possibly screwing things up even more between them. Honestly, what was between them in the first place Beomgyu had no idea.

Yeonjun sat in the living room with Kai to keep him company. Beomgyu still hadn’t spoken to hIm. But he needed to. 

It scared him and he felt tired and drained in every single aspect possible but he didn’t want to leave things as it was now. 

“Hyung, please don’t leave yet. You know you can’t.” 

That was all Beomgyu had said before rushing to his own bathroom to clean himself up. He definitely felt a lot better now and the medicine he took earlier seemed to be taking effect. Now he was back in his own bedroom with Taehyun looking over him. He could hear the faint drums of the shower sprays hitting the floor from his roommate’s bathroom opposite him.

Beomgyu had gone through the many imaginary scenarios and scripts in his head over and over again. Ultimately, it all led to him having to speak the truth. Even if things got worse than now, his friends deserves to know the truth. They deserved to understand everything and make their own decision from there. And if that decision was to stay away from him forever, Beomgyu would accept that. He should’ve known things would go to shit in the end; he was too weak to save anything. Which reminded him.

“Taehyun, what exactly did you tell Soobin?”

Form his peripheral vision, he noticed how the younger flinched. With a big sigh, Taehyun spoke reluctantly. “I just told him about your soulmate tattoo. BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING, just hear him out later okay. This time, I need you to stay calm because I swear, for being the oldest, those two don’t know a thing about being mature.”

Beomgyu expected to feel anger or maybe sadness for knowing his godforsaken secret couldn’t stay silent for long. Instead, there was nothing. Just numb. This must be the limit to how much he could take emotionally. 

“Umm... hey. I’m so sorry, but do you guys have any clothes I could borrow?”

Or maybe not. Beomgyu felt the all too familiar feeling of his heart rate picking up as heat rushed to his face at the sound of that voice. It was a mistake to look up and lock eyes with a dripping wet Soobin, fluffy brown hair now soaked over his eyes and water droplets pouring down his face to where-

Fuck, fuck, no no no. Keep your eyes on his _face_ , Choi Beomgyu. 

“Shit, I forgot just how big you are. I think Beomgyu has some clothes that you might be able to fit though.” Taehyun spoke up, looking pointedly at him. Beomgyu glared daggers at the younger. What a lie when Taehyun had plenty of oversized clothes Soobin could’ve easily fit into. He knew exactly what his roommate was planning, but didn’t have the ammunition to counter.

“Mhmm, okay. Let me check real quick.”

Beomgyu got up from his seated position a bit too quick and wobbled on his feet before swishing around and away from the cause of his bodily malfunction. He willed himself to calm down as he rummaged shaking hands through the fabric in his closet. Soobin was going to wear his clothes. That was a really boyfri- 

NO. Even with the complexity of everything going on, Beomgyu’s feelings were as simple and straightforward as they ever were. He finally snagged on a pair of trousers and shirt which were fashionably oversized but should fit the older boy just nicely. 

Beomgyu put on a neutral face as he turned to pass them to Soobin. That’s when he noticed the words dark as pitch inked into his chest. Seeing Soobin’s soulmate tattoo for the first time was a solid reminder of what they were all here for. “Here.” Soobin took it and Beomgyu thought that was going to be it. But nope.

“You’re really okay, right? I hope you’re not feeling too bad. You should rest if you are.” 

Damn Soobin and his heart-fluttering _niceness_.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m awfully sorry for umm.. doing that on you but I do feel a ton better now. Don’t worry... hyung.” Beomgyu practically melted as Soobin gave him a signature, warm, dimpled smile.

And then he was finally gone. Beomgyu slowly pushed the door close and slumped against it, hands over his heated face as he attempted to slow down his breathing. 

Taehyun, the bastard, laughed. Hard. “You guys are so funny to watch, I can’t breath-“

“Yeah, make fun of my misery. I’m glad you gain pleasure out of this.”

“Not just yours. Soobin-hyung’s expression is priceless too.”

Priceless? Beomgyu thought about it but decided not to question the younger. Yeonjun has probably waited longer than he should so Beomgyu reluctantly opened the door once again. 

“Taehyun?”

“Nah, you should figure this out between the three of you. Good luck, knock some sense into them while you’re at it okay.”

Beomgyu wondered how he could possibly do that when his own head was a mosh pit of nonsense but he went out regardless.

As he entered the living room, Kai leapt to his feet and scrambled past him, shooting Beomgyu an encouraging smile before slipping into his bedroom to join Taehyun. Feeling dread bubble in his stomach, Beomgyu took a cautious seat on the couch beside Yeonjun’s. It hit him how they haven’t even seen each other since that day the older ran out of this very same dorm. 

“We don’t have to talk if you’re not up to it. You’re sick and everything. I actually just came to give you mango. I know how much you crave for it when you’re not feeling well.”

Beomgyu smiled softly as he took the bag of mangos he failed to see Yeonjun carrying earlier. “Thanks, hyung. I can always count you, huh?”

“Always.” Yeonjun didn’t want to meet his eyes, instead focusing his gaze to his feet. 

Beomgyu took in a large inhale of air, breathing it out as he leaned against the couch. “I need to tell you something.”

“Me, too.”

“You go first.”

“I-fine.”

Short pause.

“You know that I... have feelings for you. And I’ve had them for a while. If there was anything I’m more sure of, it’s that. I can’t deny it. But that doesn’t make me love Soobin any less. This probably sounds so fucked but I can’t find anyway else to explain it. Maybe that’s why I don’t have a specific tattoo.” Yeonjun chuckled bitterly. “Somehow, I’m able to love two people in a world where we’ve always been taught that we were halves of a whole. What does that make me? A quarter? I’m sorry, this is no time for a joke. Well, things are complicated now and I’ve been acting like a five year old that doesn’t know what else to do when they don’t know what they want other than throwing a tantrum.” 

Yeonjun ducked his hand into his hands in frustration. The older had always seemed large to Beomgyu but now, vulnerable and tired, he seemed to sink into the couch. Beomgyu had the sudden urge to envelop him in a hug, protect him. He never wanted to see his best friend upset like this.

Best friend? Beomgyu once again wondered if he chose to tell him the truth all those years ago, would they have been something more than that? What Beomgyu felt for the blue-haired boy was far from the fiery flame of hormone-wrecking intensity he felt for Soobin. Come to think of it, he never had to think about what he felt because it’s been what he’s been feeling for longer than he could remember. In that moment, Beomgyu realised just how dumb he really is.

A sound from around the corner of the wall alerted Beomgyu before he could voice any of his thoughts. Soobin, realising it was pointless to try to hard his large frame after having been spotted, walked out sheepishly. Beomgyu didn’t want to think about the fact that Soobin fit nicely into his all-time favourite hoodie. Not a single thought.

He clutched his arm as he gently stepped forward. Yeonjun still hadn’t looked up but Beomgyu could tell that the hostility surrounding the two from earlier had long evaporated. Still, the air was thick with tension.

“I’m sorry. I lied.” Yeonjun whispered.

“Then I suppose we’re all liars.” Yeonjun looked up at that, eyes widening in confusion. 

Soobin cautiously edged closer to the two but remained standing up. He looked towards Beomgyu and the two of their eyes met. In that moment, the younger knew everything was going to be in the open today. His fingers picked at the sleeves of his sweater as he grew more and more anxious by the second; after all, he had spent months trying so hard to hide the truth. Then again, he wasn’t the only one with secrets.

“Yeonjun-ah, I’ve never told you about this. You might find it kind of dumb, the reason behind it I mean, but my tattoo’s words were the same as yours when you first met me in that library. I didn’t tell you because, well uhh, I didn’t want to think we got attracted to each other just because of this? I’m sorry, I know it’s a bit silly but I just wanted what we had to be right regardless of whether you are my soulmate or not, WHICH YOU ARE. Yeah...” 

Soobin did not phrase that as well as he had the other day when he explained it to Beomgyu, but at least he got the message across. Though the younger did want to facepalm from how poorly elaborated his reason was. To his surprise, Yeonjun let out a short chuckle.

“I knew.”

Soobin’s expression changed from one of shame to shock, eyebrows disappearing into his bangs. “You did?”

“Binnie, we’ve been dating for weeks. I’ll admit I’m dumb but I’m not _that_ dumb. It’s not a big deal, you know. I’d love you no matter what your soulmate tattoo said. Not having one of my own never bothered me much.”

Soobin’s face darkened to a vibrant shade of red. The older really had been worrying over nothing. If Beomgyu wasn’t also caught up in his conundrum of feelings and had been an actual _friend_ , he would’ve told Soobin the same thing yesterday.

“Ahh, well, okay uhh- Beomgyu?” 

The younger boy flinched at the sudden mention of his name. This is it. The moment where everything was finally going to be out. The person he couldn’t afford to lose might walk out that door again, and this time never come back. Beomgyu braced himself.

“I have feelings for you.”

“What?!” Both Beomgyu’s and Yeonjun’s voices rang out in unison towards a Soobin that looked like he was going to pass out right then and there.

The silence that commenced accompanied the raging hurricane of thoughts Beomgyu had in his head. Then, it all clicked. And it was so radical and simple and confusing and breathtaking all at once that Beomgyu didn’t know whether to scream or cry or laugh. 

Beomgyu’s soulmate was Soobin who’s soulmate was Yeonjun who was also in love with Beomgyu and-

Seriously, the universe was such a conniving bitch.

Beomgyu wanted nothing more to do than to throw himself into the arms of the two people he loved the most now that he knew what was actually going on. But of course, things weren’t as simple as that as much as he wanted it to be. Yeonjun still deserved an explanation and the both of them deserved an apology. He knew there was a chance that he wouldn’t be forgiven. With everything that has been said and done between them over the course of the past few weeks, all the lies and the anger and the sadness; those things don’t simply vanish with the truth. 

Beomgyu felt the prick of tears as he turned to the blue haired boy still staring wide-eyed at Soobin. “Hyung, I’m so sorry. I- I lied. I do have a tattoo. ‘I like you, too’. I was there the day you first confessed to Soobin-hyung. He... he is my soulmate. That tattoo is on my hip. I-I knew from the beginning and I never told you and I know I should’ve but I didn’t want you to leave me. That doesn’t justify anything though, I’m really so, so sorry. You have every right to hate me.” 

Beomgyu couldn’t keep in his tears anymore, the torrent in his heart had reached yet another tipping point so he ducked his head into his hands to stem the flow of liquid. But even with the rush of misery, he felt oddly lighter as if the burden of the secret’s weight on his heart had been lifted. 

“Beomie...” Beomgyu felt the pressure of two hands gently resting on either of his shoulders. He looked up through blurry vision, gaze focusing on the very two people he expected to despise him looking back with an expression he couldn’t identify. 

“It’s over now. I understand everything. I would call you an idiot if I wasn’t one, too.” Yeonjun laughed gently. “Jeez, we’re all fucking idiots.” 

“So... you forgive me?”

Soobin sighed. “I wouldn’t exactly say forgive. I’m going to be honest and say you’re probably in the least wrong right now but the point is; we’ve all done shit. There’s probably a scenario where we could’ve handled this much better but what’s done is done. So let’s put it in the past and focus on what we have to do now.”

“Damn, Binnie. That’s the smartest thing I’ve heard you say all week.”

Soobin protested at the older but there was endearment in his eyes. And also something else. It seemed that Yeonjun too mirrored that something and Beomgyu would later come to recognise that particular something as hope.

“Will this work?” Those words Yeonjun spoke hung in the air, heavy with uncertainty. 

Soobin merely shrugged. “I don’t know. But then again, are we ever supposed to know? The only thing I truly know is that my feelings for the both of you don’t lie. That should be enough, right?”

Yeonjun nodded, a small smile forming on his lips. The two of them turned back to Beomgyu and it dawned on the younger what exactly they meant. In this world, most people receive a tattoo that determines who their soulmate is by the first words the other hears. Yet, it isn’t always that simple. And when it isn’t, there’s really only one way to go about it.

Slowly, Beomgyu returned the smile. “I’m willing to try.”

For the first time in a long while, Beomgyu felt happy to be in love.

*****

Taehyun gazed at the silhouettes of the three boys draped around each other just a few feet in front of him, backs darkened in contrast against the brightness of the setting sun they were facing. True enough, the golden hour is the most romantic time of the day after all. Taehyun wearily bit into his ice popsicle, tired after a whole day at the beach.

“Man, it was annoying when it was just two. Now there are three lover birds. What the heck are we supposed to do here?” Kai, who was standing beside him with his own popsicle, voiced Taehyun’s thoughts. Of course, they were entirely happy with the way everything turned out and the younger was merely exaggerating. Taehyun saw this coming from a mile away and he had hoped for it. And the five of them still hung out and did practically everything together.

But there was always going to be a moment when the three hyungs would want some alone time together during their get-togethers, leaving the younger two to awkwardly hang about wondering when it was okay to barge back to them again. Not that the maknaes didn’t like each other’s company, they just had to get used to this new dynamic.

Technically, it wasn’t an issue at all. Just the notion to gripe about their singleness so that they could tease the older boys about it later. In truth, Taehyun and Kai were really, really happy for them.

“Maybe we should couple up and shove it in their faces so they’d know what it feels like.” Taehyun joked lightly, swallowing the last of his popsicle.

Kai did not pinpoint the sarcasm. He swished around, surprised. “For real?!?!”

Taehyun scoffed, flicking the popsicle stick at Kai’s face before shoving his hands in his pocket. The curly-haired boy let out a sound of disgust but held Taehyun’s stick anyway to throw later.

“Come on. Lets get more. I estimate about three more popsicle before their done with their mushy stuff and we can finally get some dinner.” 

“I think I’d be sick if I ate anymore.” Kai grumbled but tagged along with Taehyun anyway. As they made their way off the beach, Taehyun turned around to glance at his friends one more time and caught the eye of his roommate. 

Beomgyu threw him the biggest grin ever and Taehyun felt his heart warm. Things wouldn’t always be as great as it is now, they all knew that. But as long as they were together, soulmates by heart, they should be just fine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey heyyyy, we’ve finally reached the end of it >< it took me forever and I kept rewriting this one over and over again because I just wasn’t satisfied with the ending.   
> Thank you for staying with this till now, it really took a whole year hhhh but I’m it’s doneee woohoo~ this one started out as a random prompt I thought up of in the shower lolol I had no idea it’ll get this much attention. I’m really really grateful to you all 🥺🥺 every single comment and kudo mean so much to me ughhhT^T   
> I hope you all have a happy new year, much wuv  
> -artik ♡


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